The Great Pretender

Chapter 12: Good bye

"One of the hardest decisions you will ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or take another step forward." - Louise

After 4 months. Malapit na kami grumaduate in highschool. Sa wakas. But still mamimiss ko yung pagiging highschool student. No problem at all. Happy happy lang. Those memories I'll treasure. Heart break or sad pa yan I will still cherish those days. Experience is the most magical moment of your life that you will learn from it. 

Hay nako! Lovelife ko nga naman hindi mawarian. Magulo! Naririnig ko may girlfriend na daw si Chris. Si Faith. So naging sila na pala. After those heart aches kasi, para kinakain ko nalang yung sakit. Pag nakikita ko siya. Okay, ganun lang. Nakikita ko sila. Classmate ko sila both, so na-witnessed ko kung pano niya ligawan si Faith and I am truly happy for them. I don't want to push myself to him. It's all over. Our short story ends here.

 I don't know how to stop this. All I do is try to change the rules again. I am not ashamed enough my tears are gone, but not forgotten.

One of the hardest things in life is watching someone you love, love someone else. Kaya nga siguro nag give-up ako para sa friend ko na may gusto sa kanya. Alam ko na siguro kung ano yung pakiramdam. Yes. Sobrang sakit. Eto kasi yung storya na, kala mo kayo na.. pero hindi pala. Hindi mo alam kung masokista ka or assumera. Knowing na you're acting one of the  great pretender in this world. Pretending to love you back. Pretending that you are the one for him and he is the one for you. Pretending to be okay when you are not. 

Hindi madaling magpanggap sa nararamdaman mo. Akala nyo ba napakadaling itago lahat ng nararamdaman? Tangina hindi, yung feeling na lahat kinikimkim mo kasi hindi mo masabi, kasi hindi mo pwede sabihin. Yung nasasaktan ka pero hindi ka pwede magpaapekto, hindi mo pwedeng ipakita sakanila, kailangan mong itago dahil mas madaling magpanggap kesa ipaliwanag kung bakit ka nasasaktan. Akala nyo ba napakadali na balewalain lahat? Puta hindi ganon. Sa bawat araw na dadaan kailangan mong palakasin yung loob mo, kailangan mong tulungan yung sarili mo na maging okay, na matapos tong araw na to na sana hindi ka na umiyak, sana hindi mo na maalala lahat. Sana isang masamang panaginip nalang lahat lahat ng nangyari. Akala nyo ba napakadali magopen sainyo? Yan ang hindi, kasi ang hirap mangapa kung sino ba yung may pakielam o baka nakikichismis lang, masakit magmukhang tanga na nagkkwento ka pero nakikita mo na hindi naman interisado at sasabihin lang sayo "Okay lang yan." Putangina, napakadaling sabihin para sainyo dahil hindi nyo alam yung pakiramdam. Akala nyo ba madali lahat to? Hindi eh, hinding hindi.

You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn't want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don't ever forget that.

Broken hearts and tears build you in a stronger person.

Laban lang!

Kahit gaano kasakit. Mabilis lang yan. Parang sugat lang yan, hihilom at hihilom din. Oo. Mag-iiwan ng peklat pero after na makita mo yun masasabi mo sa sarili mo na....

 "Kinaya ko."