Catch Me

Chapter 4

"Liv. Liv? Liv!" I snapp out of my thoughts. Chiara is standing in front of me, looking confused. "
Are you okay? You seem a little bit off tonight." She is worried about me. And I am too. What the fuck just happend? I start to zoone out again but luckily remember Chiara in time.
"I'm fine. Don't worry", I mumble, more to myself than to her. I need to get this girl out of my mind.
"Pull yourself together Olivia", I think and decide that I definitely need a distraction from my thoughts about that girl with the voice that still sends shivers down my spine when I think about it.
"Stop!" Chiara looks at me puzzled.
"I didn't say anything Liv. Are you really okay?I can bring you home if you want me to?", she offers.
"No, it's fine. We are here to have some fun and to party, aren't we? So let's find the others, drink and than dance", I try to sound excited. And in some way I am. Maybe it's the adrenalin.
"That's my girl." 

Together we make our way to our friends, where the alcohol is already shared.
"Did you start without me?", I fake pout.
"Well, if you are taking so damn long we had no other chance drama queen", Ben laughs. "Here, take the peachsschnapps in exchange for the beer." We exchange our beverages and drink before we move to the dancefoor. 

I catch myself looking for a certain person. Someone with black and blue waves and the most captevaiting eyes I ever saw. My thoughts get interrupted by arms sneaking around my waist and a body huddeling against mine. But something feels off and I feel uncomfortable immediately. I stop dancing and turn around. And somehow I know, what I have to do. As hard as it is, I have to do it. 

"Can we talk?" Ryan smiles and I feel the usual wave of guilt hitting me once more. I tell Chiara that I'm going to be outside for a minute and follow Ryan. On our way, I spot Isabella and when she sees me, she showes me a thumbs-up. Little does she know, what is about to happen. We are sneaking through a door in the back of the club. It's cold but the music is muffled enough so we are able to talk. A few people are sitting and staying around smoking. I ignore them and concentrate on what I want to do. The feeling of confidence flushed through me and I'm only surprised a little. Usually I don't have strong emotions. But tonight, for a brief moment, I felt alive for the first time ever. And it had nothing to do with my boyfriend, who is standing in front of me. It's the right thing to do.

"Listen Liv, I'm sorry. I didn't want to fight with you but I was stressed yesterday and just overreacted. I'm so sorry." He looks at me with his brown eyes and I just feel even more guilty. He thinks it's his fault. I really don't deserve him.
"No, it's my fault. And I know it and that is the reason I wanted to talk to you." I inhale deeply.
"Ryan I..."
"You don't have to say anything", he cuts me off.
"Just kiss me." He leans in but I stop him before his lips touch mine.
"Don't", I wisper. He looks at me and I know that he knows what I am about to do.
"Say it Liv. You have to say it because there is nothing in the world that could make me leave you. Exept if you ask me to..." He trails of, hoping I will change my mind.
"I'm so sorry Ryan. But I can't do that anymore. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who is as crazy for you as you are for them. Who gives you the same kind of love, you give them."
"I don't want anyone else. I want you Olivia. Only you." Ryan looks into my eyes and I can see them watering up.
"I'm so sorry", I say again. "I never ment to hurt you. But it's not fair to you. You deserve so much more Ryan Anthony Smith. So I'm giving you free." A tear rolls down my face. Eventhough I don't love him like that, it still hurts to hurt him. He lowers his head and I move one step closer to him to kiss him on the cheek and I can tell he is crying.
"Goodbye Ryan." 

With that, I turn around and open the door to the club. The smokers follow me with their looks.
"I'm sorry man." I hear one of them tell Ryan and when I turn around one last time before I go back inside, Ryan is gone. I exhale deeply. And realize that I made my first real decision alone, without anyone talking me into it. I didn't follow anyones expectations but my heart and it feels damn good. Knowing I should feel sad about my breakup with Ryan, I feel guilty again but brush it of as soon as ist comes. Tonight is about me, I decide. So I'm buying another shot and drink it before I make my way through the mass of partying people to my friends. 

"Heeey, there she is", Ben lurrs a little. Like all of them, I can feel the alcohol hitting me too.
"How did it go?" Without even thinking, I answer.
"Good, but he had to go home now. Just came to comport with me again." I surprise myself more and more tonight. Usually I would never lie about something as important as this.
"Yeah girl, get him!" Ally chears.
"But we are here to party aren't we? So let's do it!" I try to change the topic successfully. 

We were dancing, drinking and having fun so I didn't thought about Ryan that much anymore, when all of a sudden, I spot some familiar black and blue hair a few meters away from me in the crowd. She didn't see me, so I had enough time to take in her appereance. She was wearing shorts and a casual top with her remarkable hair falling over her slim shoulders. Unlike me, she wasn't wearing heels, so I knew she had to be a bit taller than me, because when our bodys were pressed together earlier, we were about the same hight. I watch her swinging her hips to the beat and feel some weird but good feeling in my stomach. I couldn't keep my eyes of her, even when I was dancing with my friends.

 All of a sudden, she turns around with a smirk. My heart drops. She was looking directly at me.