Catch Me

Chapter 14

When I woke up the next day, I was smiling like an idiot and even though I didn't fell asleep until two in the morning, I felt great. After taking a shower and skipping breakfast to avoid my parents, I picked up Chiara and we drove to school together. On our way she told me about this boy she met at a party on Friday and wouldn't stop talking about Jake.
I listened carefully for the first minutes telling me about how exactly they had met but when she began raving about how cute and hot he was, I zooned out to think aout Fiona and my smile grew bigger.

"You seem fiercely happy today Liv. Are there news about Isabella?"
I snapp out of my thoughts.

"The doctors say that she is getting better and that they are taking her off from the breathing machine today."

"That's great. It means she is going to wake up soon, right?"
My enthusiasm dulls.

"They hope she will wake up soon but they can't say for sure if she ever will and how damaged her head will be than. She was off of oxegyn for only a small amount of time but it could have caused some damage. Right now, she is still given medication so she stays asleep in order to help her body to heal. But when they decide that she recovered enough, they will try to wake her up."

Arriving at our school in silence I try to cheer Chiara up a little when walking to our classes.
"But maybe I am just happy because my best friend seems to be in looooove."

I laugh at her and she blushes. I poke her in the ribs making her laugh too.

"I'm not in love. I just like him. A lot. But that doesn't mean I love him", she tries to brush it off.
"Sure Missy, whatever you say."
I take a deep breath in before I continue talking.
"Chiara?"

"Hmmh?" She looks down at her phone not really paying attention to me because she is too busy texting someone named Jakeyyyy. I smile but it is a nervous one.
"Could we talk later. I have some things to tell you about."
"Yeah sure. See you at lunch Liv." Whith that she quickly huggs me and she is off to her first class and I sight. That didn't go as planned.

"Hey Olivia. How is Isabella doing? Is she better?"
I am greeted arriving at our usual lunch table. I tell Ben, Lucas and Ally what I already explained to Chiara this morning and wonder where she is. While the other ones are talking about Isabella and discuss her condition, I look around for Chiara. Ally notices and tells me that Chiara has an appointent with some teacher and will not be coming to lunch today. I sight, somehow relived that I don't have to do the talking I already planned out all morning and notice Ben looking at me with a smirk. Immediately I feel my lips curling into a smile again and my concerns about everything are gone as soon as I think about last night. I blush and Ben grins at me. The other ones are too occupied with talking that they would notice.

Suddenly they become very quiet and I look up scared they suspect something. The exprassions ont their faces show shock and pity, directly facing me. I look around and see the reason for their weird behavior:

Ryan is standing in the hallway havily kissing some girl, I breafly know from a few partys I had met her at. I face my friends again who look at me in disbelieve when I am still smiling.
"Olivia, are you okay?
Ally quietly asks me, her voice full off pity.
"Yeah, why?"
My thoughts are already on Fiona again and I only pay her half of my attention. Disbelive is written all over my friends faces and only Ben looks like he tries really hard to surpress a grin.

"Why? Your boyfriend is making out with a girl that looks like she could be your younger sister. And you don't seem to care at all..."
She pauses.

"Olivia, do you want to tell us anything? What is going on here?"
And only than I realize that I told no one, except Ben of course, about my breakup with Ryan nearly three weeks ago. I simply forgot to tell them and because I hardly showed any affection towards Ryan at school and had spent the afternoons and weekends at the hospital, they couldn't see a change of our behavior. A small wave of guilt hits me.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you."
I look at them.

"I broke up with Ryan. We aren't together anymore."
Silence. Ally's mouth is slightly open and she stares at me in shock.
"What?", she weakly asks. "Why would you break up with him? He is the most handsome guy I ever met. After Jonah of course. He loved you so much. Everyone could tell just by looking at you two."

Jonah is her boyfriend, who is two years older than us and already goes to collage.

"And now he already has a new girlfriend, so I wanna know what happend. Right now, so you better get started." I sight.

"We broke up about three weeks ago and I don't care that he is already dating someone else. I didn't love him. And when I realized that, I had to end it because it wasn't fair, neither to him than to me. So I broke up", I explain.

"Wait. Three weeks ago? When... the thing with... Isabella happend? Maybe you were just confused and overwhelmed by everything?"
Ally tries to explain my behavior and I sight again.

"Ally, I broke up with him before everything... happend. At the club on Adam's birthday when you all told me to make it up to him. But I didn't and instead broke up with him."

"Why didn't you tell us? That was three weeks ago and you said nothing. Not even when we talked about him." She is obviously mad, but so am I.

"Ally stop it. She didn't have to tell us anything", Lucas says and I silently thank him.

"Lucas is right. And you know why I didn't tell you?"
I get up from my chair and pick up my backpack and jacket.

"Because I knew you would react like this and would think I was stupid to do so. I always followed everyone's advice, even if I couldn't understand why I should. And that is my fault but now I made my own decision and I expect you to accept that."

Everything breaks out of me and I only realize now that everyone is staring at me but I don't care.

"It's my life." I lower my voice.

"And it's my decission that has nothing to do with anyone else but me."
I turn around and leave the quiet caffeteria to go to my spanish class.

The room is still empty when I enter it because lunchbreak is still on. I sit down in the back and lay my head on the table, still being angry about me having to justify myself because of my decisions. And a little because I was't able to controll myself and am to scared to simpy tell them that I am gay.

Gay.

It's the first time that I can identify with this word and somehow I am relived. I finally understand myself. I am not a dull person, not being able to feel emotion - Fiona proves it. Her name in my head brings a smile onto my lips and when I notice Ben standing in the doorway looking at me, I just have to laugh. He chimes in and together we laugh until the bell rings and students are coming into the room. Some of them are looking at me weird. They probably saw and heard my emotional outburst in the cafeteria. Ben notices their looks and nudges my shoulder with his own.

And I realize, I am not alone.