Catch Me

Chapter 7

After an other hour of waiting, we are finally allowed to see her. They have brought her into a room on the sixt floor of the hospital, so we are using the elevator to get there. Mom and Dad still haven't said a word, they just look at each other and try to avoid eyecontact with me. I stopped thinking a while ago. My mind is compleatly clear and I only function. My body seems to know what to do. Finally we are standing in front of Isabella's room. Neither Mom or Dad make a move, they are only functioning too. So I pull myself togher and slowly open the door.

Isabella is laying in a bed compleatly still. Only her chest is raising with every breath the machine, that is connected to her mouth with a tube, is doing. Other tubes and equipment are attached to her body. I slowly move closer to her bed and my parents follow me. She looks so small and vulnerable. Her blond hair is laying on the pillow, still slightly curled. I leed Mom, who looks like she is about to pass out, to the chair on the right side of the bad and make her sit down. She only stares at Isabella and tries to process, what she sees. Dad moves to stand behind her and lays his hands on her shoulders to not only comfort her but also himself. We all look at Isabella without saying anything. Only the sounds of the machines that are keeping my sister alive, can be heard. And the quiet sobbs of my mother.

Time passes but we don't realize it. On a regular basis, nurses and docters are coming in to check in on Isabella. All of them ask us, if we wanted to go home and rest a little but we refuse and stay right where we are. When I finally realize the time I move.
"Mom?", I quietly speak for the first time in hours. She doesn't repond.
"Mom. You should go and get some rest. You have been up all night and I can stay here to make sure she is okay", I carefully say these words. Without looking at me, she shakes her head.
"I can't leave her. I have to stay." I have never heard Mom sounding so weak, so fainty. I hesitate. I really don't want to go but someone has to get some food for us and some stuff for Isabella. And neither Mom or Dad look like they are in the condition to do anything like that. They are still in shock. 
"Then I will go and pick up some things from home. Do you need anything? Dad?" They don't answer.
"Okay. I will take a cab and come back with my car in a few hours", I whisper and move to the door and open it. Before I go through it, I look back. See my parents brooken. And my sister between the line of life and death. "I'm sorry Bella. I'm so, so sorry."

I don't really know how I got home. Suddenly I'm standing in the kitchen, not knowing what to do now. I get up the stairs and into the bathroom of Isabella and me. Staring into the mirrow. My hair is a mess and I look tiered. My mascara is still in place and I realize I haven't cried yet. When I saw my parents being so out of order, I knew they needed me to be strong. They already have enough to worry about and don't need me to freak out too. So I shove my feelings deep down into a box and lock it. I can't deal with my them right now. Still staring into the mirrow, my eyes catch something on my neck. It's a hickey and with that, all the memories of the girl with blue hair and green eyes with golden sprinkles in it, come rushing back. I grab the sink and despite the worries about my sister, I smile. I finally get it. Why my friends and nearly everyone else is so thrilled about physical connection with another person. Last night it was the first time I felt that desire, everyone was talking about. The first time that I felt a connection. The first time I felt like being myself. The first time of being alive. And all of that because of a misterious girl without a name.

I burst out laughing. Everything is so surreal and weird I feel alive for the first time on the same night my sister is on the edge of death. I laugh and can't stop doing so.
"You are crazy. Thats it, Olivia, you are becoming crazy, compleatly crazy.  Your sister is in the hospital in a very bad condition and all you do is laugh. You are simply crazy", I tell myself between laughs. 

When I am finally able to calm down a little, I take off the make up, brush my teeth and open up my bun. Brushing my hair, I go to my room. There I put on a loose t-shirt and jeans. When I'm done, I move to the room next to mine. Isabellas room is a mess like always and I realize that she isn't going to be home for a while. I push away my feelings again and begin to collect some things to bring to the hospital and put them all on the bed. Then I look for her big sport bag and put all of the things inside of it. After that, I look around. And begin to tiedy up her room. I need to do something, need to stay busy. 

I'm just folding a shirt, when a thought crosses my mind. Taken back and being compleatly shocked I sink to the floor and just sit there, staring at the wall with pictures of Isabella, her friends and our family, not really seeing them. I breath in and out. Try to put into context, what I just realized.