Neon Genesis Evangelion: Bohemian Rhapsody

Chapter Four

A lonely apartment. Neither of her surrogate kids to look after. What more could she fail at?

Misato knew loss and failure pretty well. The second half of her life was based on it, after all. She never could've had any kids of her own, her father's influence was still sewn into her veins, but despite all of this she took Shinji in. She hoped she could do right by him, protect him while he protects the world, and that through him she'd have a son of her own to be proud of. She not only saw herself in him, but Asuka, as well. She noticed the little looks the two would give each other from time to time, and despite their bickering and the horrible things Asuka would say, Misato hoped they'd grow closer and break down each other's walls. That was the mistake Misato's now been blaming herself for during the past week.

'I was too weak...I failed as a guardian...I let this happen by not intervening...' she thought, laying in her bed surrounded by various bottles and cans. 'Look at me...I can't even do anything except drink my problems away...I should be there for Shinji...I should be there to tell Asuka it's okay and that it wasn't her fault....' She reached for another bottle, but stopped her hand halfway, not wanting to bother with trying to make herself feel better.

'All I've done is make Shinji's life worse...I should've left him alone...he would've been much better off without me. Everyone would be much better off without me. Even Kaji....'

All of a sudden, the purple-haired woman heard a knock on the door, which nearly shook her off of her futon. At first she tried to ignore it, feeling miserable enough already, but whoever was at the door was insisting on being invited in. Misato groaned as she slowly pushed herself off the floor, putting on some sweatpants and a black long-sleeve shirt while trudging towards the entrance. "Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming, you can stop!!" she shouted out, slowly opening the door.

Of course it was Kaji at the door. Who else could it have been? It was just her luck that the last person she wanted to see her like this was the one coming to check up on her. "Well, you look just as lovely as you always do, don't you?" Kaji asked, smiling a bit with his hands in his pockets. Misato flipped him the bird without hesitation, walking away from the door. "If you've come here to pity bang me out of my slump, you can leave," she said, not having the patience for any of his antics, not after all she's been through.

Kaji sighed, assuming that since the door was still open he was able to come in, making sure to keep a comfortable distance from her. "Misato, I can promise you that I'm not here for that. Nor would I think this is the time to," he said, folding his arms and standing across the kitchen from his old flame. "Okay, then, Ryoji, then why are you here, because right now really isn't the best time considering I've ruined the lives of both of the kids I'm supposed to look after," she huffed, getting some ibuprofen from the cabinet and downing a couple tablets with faucet water.

"That's exactly why I'm here, Misato," Kaji said, still keeping his distance so he wouldn't upset her. "I know you're here blaming yourself for what happened. I know you're not giving yourself a break and that you're punishing yourself. I thought I'd come and try to help, in case you needed someone—" His words were cut off by Misato throwing her glass of water at him, somewhat disappointed and relieved that it hit the wall instead and didn't even break.

"How? How could you help me, Kaji? Paint me a fucking picture, how are you supposed to help me?! The only way you help anyone is getting in between their legs and hoping that cures what ails them, you don't know how to fucking help me!!" Misato shouted at him, tears starting to form at the bottom of her eyes. "You've never had any kids to look after, watching over Asuka for a short period doesn't even count! You don't know what it's like to try to get close to them and fail! You don't know what it's like to hope that they'll help each other and watch them both fail because of you!! I failed them both, Ryoji, Shinji is in a coma and Asuka had to go through seeing him like that, what the fuck am I supposed to do, huh?!" She asked, going over to him and grabbing his collar, tears streaming down her eyes. "You're so smart, then tell me, how do I fix this??! How do I undo all the shit that I've done??! Tell me!!"

Misato couldn't keep herself stable anymore, breaking down into a puddle of misery and guilt, falling to her knees and facing away. "Oh god...I-....I-I'm so...I-I'm so sorry..." she sobbed, covering her face. Kaji looked down at her, feeling immense guilt for how he's acted towards her, as well. Very slowly and gently, he knelt down beside her, placing one arm around her shoulders. "I can't lie and say that it wasn't your fault, Misato...it was...a lot of things are going to end up being your fault..." Kaji said, trying his best to help her back up to her feet. "I know I don't have any kids of my own...I'm always scared that if I do, they'll just be neglected by me...but what I know is that just because something is your fault, doesn't mean you should give up." He wiped her tears with the sleeve of his jacket, resting his other hand on her shoulder. "You failed, yeah...you can't change that...but being here isn't going to bring Shinji out of his coma, is it?"

Misato sniffled a bit, starting to find some form of resolve within herself. "But...what can I do? Me being there isn't gonna bring him out of it, either. Asuka probably wouldn't wanna see me...I just don't know what to do," she said, wiping her eyes herself this time. "It doesn't matter what you can and can't do. What matters right now is that you're there for them. And that you do whatever it takes to help them," Kaji said, patting Misato's shoulder. She knew he was right, and she knew what she finally had to do. "Really...who knew that you'd be so wise with kids, huh?" she chuckled, finally smiling for once. "Hey, you know what they say, 'Do as I say, not as I do,' right?" Kaji chuckled back, smiling back at her.

Before either of them could think, they felt a massive surge of cold temperature, the apartment shaking and throwing them both to the floor. Kaji shouted as he fell on his shoulder, knowing he definitely injured it to some capacity. Misato was able to catch herself on the kitchen table, rushing over to him. "Kaji!! Are you okay??" she asked, helping him up. "Yeah yeah, I just...oh god that's gonna be a pain to fix," he said, looking at his shoulder. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Misato nodded, checking her phone quickly. "An Angel...oh god, it's in the Geofront!" she exclaimed, quickly getting her jacket off the coat hanger. "Shinji's still in the medical bay, whoever's moving him is gonna need help!" Kaji nodded in return, trying to ignore the ringing pain his dislocated shoulder was causing. "I'm coming with you. I'm not leaving you alone on this one," he said, standing up straight.

"Okay, then..." Misato said, bracing for the cold as she opened the door. 'Hang on Shinji...we're coming...I promise I won't fail you, this time...'

To be continued...

(I shouldn't make promises about updates that I can't keep lol
Sorry it's been so long!! This past year has been insane, especially these past few months. I hope you all are doing well! While I haven't been able to write, I have seen that this fic has become #1 in the Evangelion tag, as well as the Neon Genesis Evangelion and NGE tags. Idk if it's that way now, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for reading.
Watching NGE as it made its streaming debut on Netflix really reinvigorated my love for the series, and pushed me to start to finish this story! I should be able to get the next few finished soon, but as for now, I hope you all enjoy this one! Thank you all so much, and stay tuned!)