Neon Genesis Evangelion: Bohemian Rhapsody

Chapter Seven

I'm just a poor boy
Nobody loves me

Easy come
Easy go
Will you let me go?
Let me go!
LET ME GO!

A mind wandering aimlessly throughout its own caverns, not able to find any source of light in the darkness, and unable to return to itself. That's the dilemma Shinji was faced with. Such a mundane term to describe his situation, but that's the only thing he could describe it as.

'Where am I? What did I do? Where is everyone?' he thought, over and over again for what seemed like an eternity. 'I'm not dead...but I don't think I'm alive, either...why...?'

"Why do you think, Shinji?"

All of a sudden, he turned around, as it's the first time he's heard any voice other than his own since he's been here. He didn't know how, but he found himself sitting back down on the train again, with his younger self facing him. "W-What...?" he asked, looking at the younger reflection in confusion.

"I asked you why do you think you're here?" the figure repeated, causing Shinji to hang his head. "I...tried to...I tried to...k-kill myself..." Shinji stuttered, clutching his head. "I know what you're gonna say already...you're gonna say I did it because I couldn't handle the truth...because I'm too weak...every time I'm here, I always hear the painful truth about myself that I already know...how am I supposed to keep going when this is all I'm given?" he groaned, not bearing to look at himself in absolute shame.

"Because...there's people who care about you," the figure replied, standing up and walking over to Shinji. "Even at times it doesn't seem like it, they still care, deep down. The truth is that you owe it to them to keep going." Shinji couldn't take it anymore and angrily shoved his younger self to the ground, watching as he broke into a million pieces, with the surroundings following suit. "How do you know?! Nobody cares about me, nobody ever has from the very beginning!!" he screamed, falling to his knees and covering his ears, feeling every moment from his life play back inside of his head.

All of a sudden, he found himself back in Misato's apartment, wearing the salmon polo shirt he wore on the day that his first kiss was taken. "Well?" he heard a voice ask him, quickly turning around to see Asuka standing behind him, wearing the same yellow t-shirt and shorts that she had on that day. "Are we going to kiss, or not?" she asked, causing Shinji to back up.

"N-No...this can't...this isn't..." he said, backing up a bit against the wall. "Why not? Are you too scared, you idiot?" she asked, walking towards him and pinning him against the wall. "B-Because...you're gonna hate it...you're gonna say that I'm gross...that I'm disgusting..." he quivered, feeling like he was shrinking down into an ant. Asuka smirked and chuckled, caressing his cheek and jawline gently. "Oh, Shinji, you idiot...that's because you are gross. You are disgusting."

Shinji started looking down in shock, covering his ears yet again. "Stop...please..." he pleaded quietly, feeling what was left of his mind starting to crack. "Even more so, you're a creep. You keep ogling me from a distance, without the slightest bit of courage to tell me that you love me. You're so pathetic, it's hilarious," she continued, closing the space between them even more. "Stop it....stop it...stop it!!!" Shinji screamed, trying to drown out the noise, but failing to do so. "Why wouldn't I hate you? Why wouldn't I think you're disgusting? Take a look at yourself. All you'll ever be is an unstable little boy who misses mommy and hates his daddy."

"I SAID STOP IT!!" Shinji gripped both of Asuka's shoulders tightly, shoving her off of him and watching her shatter into pieces of broken glass on the floor, causing him to fall to his knees and break down once again as Misato's apartment split around him.

"Asuka, Misato, Rei, Ritsuko, Toji, Kensuke, Hikari, Father, they've all wanted me dead from the very beginning! They don't care about me! They never have! Why can't I just die?! Why can't I just be let go?! If they don't want me, why do I still have to live?!"

"Because it's all in your head."

That voice. It froze Shinji down to the bone, he couldn't even think to move a muscle. Before he knew it, the surroundings changed, and he was on his knees in what seemed to be a living room. It rang such a familiar bell in the back of his mind, but he couldn't quite place the where or the when. All he could hear was a piano playing behind him. A piano playing Bohemian Rhapsody.

He also heard a voice. The same voice that froze him just then. It wasn't because it scared him, or because it intimidated him, but because it was so familiar. It was a voice he hadn't heard for the past eleven years. And that voice, right then, was singing Bohemian Rhapsody along to the piano.

Shinji slowly stood up and brought his hands down to his sides, looking all around at the familiar environment, especially the ceiling. "My...h-home...?" he asked to himself, slowly starting to turn around and finally seeing who was at the piano. She had short brown hair, and seemed to be pretty tall. Shinji didn't know why, but he knew immediately who it was. It felt like a lost memory finally jogged for the first time. There was only one person who could give him this amount of clarity.

"Mom...?"

Slowly, she stopped playing, turning back around to greet her son with a smile.

"Hello, Shinji...we have a lot to talk about...and not much time to do so...."

To be continued...

(I've been dying to write this chapter ever since I started this story nearly two years ago. So much so that I'm splitting it up into two separate ones! Once again, I hope you're all enjoying so far, and I hope you enjoy how this is all gonna wrap up!)