during the frigid past
all through my white days
nothing but sitting in the shower
and lying in the dark
filled the gaps
and then through the flower fields
walking in the constant rain
i am numb, normal, nuanced.
borderline nonexistent and just
there.
but here i am with the sun's forgiveness breathing down my neck, a gentle breeze ruffling my shirt,
and i realize that i am better, and i am okay,
that the leaves are attached to the branches, and
that i can take a deep breath,that i won't cry anymore.
i now am made aware that there's nothing quite like
bike rides, nothing quite like
swimming, nothing quite like
walking, like friends, like sunburn, tank tops, iced tea,
nothing... quite... like...
so i smile, i grin, i beam,
i spread my arms to the sky
and i scream
'fuck you, god, you tried to knock me down
and you failed."
the blue sky is the only response i get.
and i'm okay with that.
there's no one out there who will hold my hand,
no one to kiss my lips or comfort me
and i'm okay with that too.
im just
okay
now.
and it feels
so. damn. good.
to know that i'm not chained down
by negativity anymore
to know that i know what i'm worth,
to know what i deserve and how i should be treated,
it's a wonderful feeling.
i won't get hurt anymore
i won't let myself get hurt anymore.
the only hurt i've got is a sunburn
and after that, i wear one hundred spf
and now i'm protected, all summer long.
