The Unforeseen Path

Chapter Four

After admitting to myself that I had feelings for Mohit, I could not stop thinking about him. I'd make scenarios in my mind about us, I'd think about something he said in class to me or anyone else and replay it and any other thoughts I had were in the form of a narration to him.

I found myself not paying much attention in college, which was new to me.I was someone who payed hundred percent attention in class, but clearly that had changed.I wanted those lectures to end so that I'd go to my coaching class and get to see him.

I also found myself vying for his attention.I did not pester him or anything, still whenever I sat around him and he talked to me, I ate that attention. I knew the way he acted around me was the way he acted around everyone, but still I liked it when he teased me.

Once, when we both went to the outside classroom, where 12th graders sat, to get chairs for ourselves, I heard him telling me I was cute, but maybe I had dreamt it.

Talking about dreams, this was the first time I had dreams about a guy. I have had crushes before (just two), but this was the first time someone had seeped in my inner conscious. In some dreams, he was just randomly there, in some it was a bit specific.This one time I dreamt that somehow we were dating and in the process of mixing up with his cool friends my grades were slipping.
This was something, I had started to worry about. Although, I studied as much as I could, I'd find myself thinking about him. So sometimes between different Phylums or Respiratory system, or Molecular theory, there were small Mohit thoughts.

The whole thing was redundant though. Cause somewhere inside me I knew that he would never date me. I was a total nerd. A simple girl who dressed conservatively, didn't apply makeup, who never went to parties, or knew people or could even act the part that he was a part of. He liked flirting around with girls, went to parties. He had a crush on some girl with long hair and a a fair complexion. His best friend Eshani was like the most popular girl in college.She was Miss Freshers, a Class Representative, teachers favorite and liked by all the boys.

So I knew that I could have as many dreams about dating him or marrying him, I could help him solve all the math problems or physics numericals , yet he'd never like me that way and my secret crush on him had to be a secret.

***

When it came to have a really good girl gang, I think I had finally got it. After years of being in girl school, it took me being a part of a co -education to be a part of a girl gang.

As I had begun sitting with Anjali, Sarika and Zeenat for break, there were other girls too sitting with us.It initially comprised of girls from only our school, they say stick to your tribe and that's what we did.After some time though, some girls were added and some just went away to sit with other people.

It was fun though. All girls were really great.We had a great time together. We gossiped about all the couples that were made in college or were rumored to be dating or which guy our college supervisor favoured more (turned out every year our female supervisor favoured one male senior). We made some dirty jokes, made fun of each other, shared our secrets, and yet for a long time I never told them about my crush on Mohit.

I sometimes itched to tell Anjali, but I knew once I told one person in class, other than Tanya, everyone would know and I would be the punch line of all Mohit related jokes. Anjali was my friend since 9th grade, when we were both prefects.We often discussed Harry Potter books or any other books.

Anjali too liked a guy from her division. She knew him before college. He had even proposed to her when we were in 9th grade and she said rejected him then. But now he had a girlfriend and everyone in my coaching class knew that Anjali liked him and they teased her mercilessly about it. Her crush wasn't in our coaching so it wasn't that embarrassing, but mine was and so I kept my feelings to myself.