The Unforeseen Path

Chapter Fourteen

I am not sending that asshole any good night messages! Mohit can message himself if he wants to. He is an A-hole. Big time. Why does he have to make me feel so less of myself? Whenever I am around him I feel like I am invisible and unworthy. Like my existence doesn't matter, at all.

And when had I fallen to this desperate level of texting a guy, one that doesn't even have the decency to reply? I had always decided to be dignified. To not be like one of those girls who endlessly beg or cry when a guy doesn't like them. Like that girl who had sent Vikram a suicide not because he didn't like her back. Guess I had just become like that. Chasing a guy who doesn't want me.

But this guy deserves an award for driving people literally crazy. Just yesterday I was unwell and puking the guts out of myself. There isn't a washroom in our class, so I had to puke on the street. I barely managed to reach home on my bike. I had to stop in my way to puke once more and he couldn't care less! When Anjali told him how I was feeling, instead of showing a shred of emotion, he said that maybe I was pretending to be that sick, that if I really would have puked that much I would have fainted. Why did he have to say that now? And why does he go from being Mr. I am so moody to Mr Nice.

Just last month when we all had gone in a bowling alley, he had been so nice to me. I was terrible at it and missed on my every chance. And he helped me every time. He stood exactly behind me, there was barely some distance between us, as he showed me how to hold the ball and throw it. Although, I tried to focus and ignore the lack of distance, my heart did leap and do somersaults. I wish that ball would too.

Every time I missed, every time he helped. I even once gave up. But he didn't and in the end I got it right. I wasn't the only one that terrible. Even Sarika didn't know how to bowl, but it was only me that he helped. I was annoyed at that time, because I wasn't able to bowl and it was just another thing that I wasn't good at. But later on when I thought about it, I saw just how helpful he had been.

Now, he was back to his old self. His annoying, skull cracking, horrible, self centered, arrogant self. And I didn't understand any of it. He made me feel so confused and I didn't like it one bit.

His comment made me so angry I decided I would fuel my rage into something productive. That being how to get Vikram off my back when he started telling me how my laughter looked very funny and unattractive.

I just glared at him. I summoned the scariest expression I could and looked at him like his comments can't move a hair on my body. And seriously, isn't letting girls down another girls job? Shouldn't he just do, what guys do, like pulling pranks?

Surprisingly, it worked. It worked better than my 'fuck off' would have. Vikram looked at me and said, "You... Look like a... witch." He said it like he did believe it. And then he didn't tell me anything.

I handled his beautifully horrible girlfriend, Myra in the same manner. I even once mimicked her comments to me in a childish voice. Needless to say it annoyed her. It got her off my case for good.

It all felt weirdly satisfying. I wasn't looking for a show down with either of them. I didn't want to dethrone the Queen B. I just wanted them to stop insulting me. And I knew that the more I ignored their comments the more they'd be at my case.

***

Later at night, I didn't send Mohit the 'Good night' text I had been sending him for past twelve days. Around twelve in the night he sent me an old song by 'Florence and the machine' that he had made me listen to, two days ago. He told me that I would like to listen to it. When Vikram asked Mohit what we were listening to, he said that he wouldn't like it as it wouldn't suite his sensibilities. It had made me feel special that he thought that only I would like that song.

I knew Mohit sent me that song cause I hadn't texted him and that had affected him. But why? Why should he be affected with anything I do or I don't? He treats me like shit, then texts me when I don't text him.

***

Debate competition was announced and as usual it made me excited. I always took part in debates in school and junior college wouldn't be any different.

The auditions were in the free period, the last period before college ends. Myra, Vikram, Mohit, Eshani and everyone who was known and popular had shown up for it and it suddenly made me really anxious. It wasn't just our English teacher listening to our speeches, the supervisor was there with her too. I didn't have a proper speech prepared as only a day was given to us for the preparations.

That's how my nervousness made a mess out of my speech. I stopped many times, wasn't confident enough, at one point just forgot stuff and started making up my own. I felt like shit after the whole thing. I wasn't obviously selected and I had so wanted to be.

Myra and Eshani went after me and they were supremely good. I looked around, in that room to see if there was someone who would give me a look, or feel the same way I was, so that I would know I wasn't alone, but to no avail. I looked at Mohit too at one point, but the way he was behaving these days made me remember exactly how much he didn't care.

After the embarrassment, I returned to my class to collect my bag, and told Purab about how I was feeling. He just shrugged it off and said, "Pia, that's the reason, I don't go for these debate-things."

I just quietly went to tuition with Tanya. Sir was late as usual and we were all sitting, doing our own thing. Mohit came in the tuition after a while, saw me sitting alone and walked to my bench.

He looked at me like he understood exactly what I was going through, without me having to whine about it and just said three words, "You were good," and then he walked away.

In that moment, I realized that whatever he was, the angry guy who broke a desk when someone else sat on it on a bad day, or the good guy who helped me many times, no questions asked, or the goofy guy who would loudly comment his thoughts even in a college assembly, or the guy who sweetly told me I looked pretty in college event, I loved all of them.

I had started liking him because of a fantasy, but fell in love with his reality. I didn't know where this would lead me or just keep me standing there, but I was willing to see.