The Unforeseen Path

Chapter Thirteen

"Why do you let them say anything to you Pia?"

"I don't know, Tanya. I guess I just don't have a reply right at that moment. It doesn't come to me as instinctively it does to you or Zeenat or my sister. I usually end up getting mad later and then have a reply."

"Then just glare at them. Or ignore them like you didn't hear them. Don't show that affects you."

"I know, I shouldn't. But all the jabs they take at me do affect me. I don't know anymore, Tannu. I just want this year to end. I just want to get as far away from everything as I can."

Tanya sighed when I said this. "You don't need to think about all of this. Look at the way Anjali behaved today. You tried talking to her and she ignored you. Instead, she was busy clicking pictures and having fun with Myra."

Looking at Myra and Anjali in their own cocoon did hurt. I knew Anjali cared about me.Whenever I wasn't well, or when my bike's tire was punctured, she was the one who would fuss over everything. She was going through the popularity syndrome. I noticed she hung out with the Eshani and group of girls sometimes. Still I couldn't understand why would she ignore me.

After that Tanya and I had decided to bunk college. We decided to dress up a little and go out somewhere nice. We ended up hanging out in a mall.

"I have no idea, why Anjali does what she does. I feel like I am a complete nobody in front of them. In college, I might be respected because I top in class. But really, I don't have the confidence I used have in school. I was a loner then. But my life was so much better."

"Pia, you know, you are much stronger than those loosers. You need to believe. They don't deserve this much attention."

"I know Tannu, they don't."

Looking at my downcast face, she said, "What about Mohit, how are the 'Good Night' messages going?"

"They are going okay, I guess. Sometimes he replies, sometimes he doesn't. Its just been a week though. I have to send them for at least 23 more days. I don't know if its worth it though. He behaves more or less the same in tuition."

"It will be. Something tells you you will get some kind of reaction from him."

"You think so?"

"I really do."

I looked at Tanya, being all optimistic about something related to Mohit, although she couldn't stand him and I realized how much of a good friend she has been.

We fought a lot. Our views didn't match. It was sometimes too much for me to be around her constantly. But she was the only one I had and who understood everything. Yet I wanted other people in my life.

It was like I was stuck in the same loop of thoughts forever. I could hear that quote from Looking for Alaska in my mind,'You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth..'

I didn't want to be stuck in labyrinth. I didn't want to escape my present thinking my future might look better. I wanted to change things on my own and not wait for nature to take its course. Because this wasn't a high school movie and no boyfriend was coming out of the dark to fight my demons for me. I had to do it myself.

The next day when I went to college, I practiced saying 'Fuck off' in my mind, constantly. I would say it to Vikram or Myra, or whoever tries to insult me today.

In the last lecture, we received the news that our German teacher was leaving the college. She was one of the cool teachers, sassy and sweet at the same time. I liked most of my teachers, but she was at another level. Naturally, her departure made me emotional.

Just at the very moment, Saurabh, Vikrams, best friend, a guy who was polite to everyone came up to me and laughed and said, "German teacher is leaving the college. She should have left a long time ago." He said it like it was the best thing he had heard in the entire day. I looked at him and said, "Fuck off!"

He just stopped smiling, made a glum face and left. Looking at his face I felt really bad for saying that to him. He hadn't said anything offensive, he had taken up Sanskrit and so didn't know our German teacher.

I had a tendency of mixing my  emotions into one another. I get sad and end up crying whenever I am angry, and vica versa.

So I had ended up using my 'Fuck off' energy on someone random! I was saving it up to use on the real culprits behind my depressing state! I wanted to use it on the power couple.

I guess I would have to just practice saying it again....

***

The next day I thought maybe I could repair my relationship with Anjali, Sarika and Zeenat. I really missed hanging out with them and  sitting with them for lunch.

I decided I would talk to Anjali about it. I called her up and told her everything, about how I felt neglected by the three of them, how I felt that they had somehow chosen Myra over me, how they all seemed like a group.

Anjali told me that she had been clueless about all these things. That the three of them never had meant for me to feel isolated, it had just happened organically. She profusely apologized. She was an oblivious person in general, so I forgave her.

"When you stopped sitting with us for lunch breaks, the three of us decided, to convince you to to sit with us again. But I guess, we never got around it and I am really sorry for that Pia. We didn't mean to act as a group but you too were mostly with Tanya. So, I guess it just happened. I am sorry. "

"Its okay Anjali, you didn't know anything dude. "

"I'm glad everything is okay between us. Now you have to come and sit with us Pia."

"I will."

Then I proceeded to tell her about something I hadn't told anyone in tuition, except Tanya. I told her about Mohit, and how I had confessed my feelings to him.

When she heard it. She said, "Oh my god! Oh my god, Pia! Is it really true?"

She couldn't believe someone like me would like Mohit. She couldn't believe anyone could like him. Period. She didn't see him the way I did.I didn't know what to think of Mohit anymore. I needed someone to tell me what exactly was up with him. I knew Anjali would know things.

After I kept the phone, I realized maybe people don't see things exactly the way I do. At the same time, I felt maybe I had said too much, laid a lot of my insecurities down. I trusted Anjali, I had never shared anything like that with her. So this somehow  felt like I had posted a naked picture of mine on Instagram.

I went to sit with them for break and things seemed nice. Predictably, Anjali had blabbered about my crush on Mohit to Sarika and Zeenat. They both just questioned my sanity.

My friendship with them seemed that it had improved. Then why did I feel like a fragile flower being shown her way around?