The Unforeseen Path

Chapter Sixteen

A few days passed and I learned that after all that had passed between Eshani and Mohit, they weren't together. She had apparently told him that she liked him as a friend but not more than that. I guess he was now in the same position as I was.

I started noticing Eshani more, and I noticed that although she always behaved nicely with me, I found reasons to detest her. Like how she never did any prefect work but was always in good graces of everyone, especially the supervisor.

Despite what I said to Anjali, I began comparing myself with Eshani and played 'You belong with me....' by Taylor Swift in my head, whenever I saw Mohit. After all, she was the cheerleader type and I was the perfect nerd.

Having said that I was the perfect nerd, I clearly was ignoring my nerdly duties. I repeadly told myself that the 12th board exams were around the corner and I should study and stop thinking about it. I did study but not the way I used to and I was really dissatisfied with myself.

On the top of it, I got into some weird things because of this unhealthy, unprovoked dislike of Eshani.

Tanya was the vise prefect with me. We worked hard in every event and were always doing our prefect duties, even when others ignore them But it was Eshani who was selected on the sports committee. It hit a nerve but I didn't say anything. Then our head girl came and pointed this out and it basically did a good job of provoking us. Hearing Eshani's name, something in me hit, and Tanya and I got annoyed as to how it wasn't us who were selected.

Now normally, I would not give a flyyying fuck about the sports committee and management because I was the least sporty person on this planet. And yet.

Word somehow reached our supervisor and she called us in to enquire about it. Now, our supervisor has an iron clad personality and she was someone you do not want to mess with. Period. I was dying to be at least noticed by her in some remarkable way, but not like this.

She called us in, and we told her that no we were perfectly happy with the position we were in, and we didn't want to be on the sports committee and then she dismissed us. After that I relayed to Purab how word had gotten to our supervisor, and we were  wondering who might have told her, because it was just Tanya, our head girl and I who was there when we had this conversation. And the only thing that he picked up from it was, but why would anyone get Eshani in middle of this. And I swear I wanted to throw the biggest brick on his head that I could find. Poor princessy Eshani. And who was I? A fucking N-O-B-O-D-Y.

But soon I started hating this version of myself. I was detesting someone who was always nice to me. Who didn't do anything directly to me. Eshani even sent an Instagram request to me. She wished me on my birthday. And what did I do?

In one and a half years my personality had taken a total 180. How did I become this person?

And so a week later on the day of ex-tempo, I stood on the stage and said 'The first day of my college, was the worst day.' Had I not met Mohit, I wouldn't have become this unrequited lover. Had I not met Myra, I wouldn't have lost my self confidence.

I didn't say anything, or give any explanation. I just walked off the stage. I got a earful from my supervisor and my class teacher as to why a girl like me would say something like this and walk off, but I didn't give them any explanation. I was sooo done.

Mohit tried to talk to me after, but I just walked of.

***

Seeing my mood, Anjali told me next day that maybe I needed closure and I should talk to him as I hadn't talked to him about everything face to face.

It took me a few days to sort myself out and stop comparing myself to Eshani. I got my things in order, was studying properly, but I knew my relationship with Mohit was still affecting me.

Truth was I did need some closure and also, try as I might to stay angry at Mohit, I knew none of my feelings were his fault. He hadn't done a bad thing to me. He kept my feelings for him a secret. Also, now I harbored no delusion about his feelings for me. I knew he liked Eshani, and he would never see me that way. He might care for me because I liked him, but I don't think it extended more than that.  And I wanted to be able to talk to him without this invisible barrier that was there between us. The least of it, we could be normal friends.

After tuition ended at night, I slowly approached him, and said, " I-have have to tell you something."

He casually said, " Yeah, say Pia."

"We hadn't ever talked af-after you know I..."

Something in my expression might have given me away and he looked at me so earnestly, took every word in like he heard everything I said.

"I wanted to thank you for, you know, never telling anyone in our tuition and keeping everything to yourself. Anyone in your position might have tried to do things differently, take advantage of the situation, use the girl, but you didn't."

There was a certain vulnerability to my tone. My voice was almost a whisper and I paused at almost every word.

"I have been in your situation, and I know what it is like to feel like that."

"I know, still Mohit."

"You know, I am the way I am with everyone."

I knew he implied on the fact that he teased and was playful with almost every girl, that it wasn't just me.

I nodded my head and said, "I know that, Mohit," trying to sound as convincing as possible. I knew I wasn't someone special. I wanted to say something more, I swear I had this list prepared in my mind, about every small thing I had to say to him, but I looked at him and I didn't know what to say.

"At a loss for words, aren't you?"

He gave me a hug and said, "Its okay, I understand, you don't have to say everything, I know " and I believed that he did. Understand. The way he behaved and the way he huged me, made me feel so protected that sometimes I forgot that he was my age and not older than me. It was one of the things that made me like him so much. But I had to remember, that he wasn't mine and wasn't ever going to be.

We hugged for a brief moment, but I knew that I could never forget it. I knew it was the end of things, a beautiful and proper end to this one sided relationship that I had with him.