I fucked up, I hurt her the same way Ryker did....
Her face...her eyes...I broke her heart again
There is absolutely no excuse
I got pissed , my mom said stuff about Ryker needing Lilly and i flipped...when i went to find her I walked in on Ryker kissing her and i fucking lost it...
Thinking she chose him and my parents were right...
I got drunked so bad and cheated on her...
I fucking cheated on the women I claim to love.
I went to my parents house to look at the foottage, they had a camera installed in Ryker's room since he came home...
I found it then watched and listened ....
I tried to find her but she wasn't at home or at the bakery.
Her friends wouldn't tell me anything even their husbands
And they were my club brothers.
Today at the funeral I knew I would see her and I would try to explain..and ask forgiveness even grovel
I felt her before i saw her....
Sitting next to my parents in the front row...lifting my head to scan the crowd for her...
I saw her the moment I looked up, waiting for her to meet my eyes but she didn't lift her head....only staring at her hands.
After service people came up to offer their comdolensence to my parents and I...
Finally it was her turn behind Jen and Jayde...
She came to me and taking my hand and saying her bit...
When she moved to kiss my cheeck i whispered next to her ears...'I miss you" then I kissed her below her ear...
She turned never making eye contact and left out the doors.
Few hours later we we're back at my folks house...alot of Ryker's rich privilidged friends and women he slept with.
Everyone showed up....
Finally in walked my light...looking so gorgeous dressed in black sleeveless dress that stops at the knee, and nude strappy stilletos...her hair in a potytail....
Her caramel skin...God please help me....
She walks to my mother and they chat for a bit till my mother is called off.
She lingers at the table with Ryker's photo.....then walks to the kitchen and I follow her...she walks straight out the back door onto the deck....
I pause and just stare at her...for a few seconds then enter the deck standing beside her.....
She just stares infront of her ...and i cannot look away...
Turning to face her
"I am so sorry baby" I whisper to her
Which makes her eyes turn watery...
"Please .... please look at me, baby please"
"I I..I can't" she breathes out....exhaling loudly
Moving closer to her I lift my hand to touch her face....but she stops me with her words....
"No....no.....do not tttttttouch me Grayson,
"Baby"
"No Grayson, you touched hhhhhhhheeerrr
You kkkkkissed her
You mmmmade love to her
You chose her over me"
"God no, baby I didn't make love to her and I would never choose anyone over you, Lilly baby please look at me, please fucking hell this hurts,
Knowing that I'm the one responsible for your hurt.
The one that broke your heart
Baby I love you"
"Do not say that"
"Why.?.... it's true Lilly...."
"If it was true why did you sleep with another women, mmmm why Grayson, was I not enough for you?
You could have just ended things with me before sleeping with someone else"
"Baby you are more than enough, I love you so much"
"Right now I find that so hard to believe"
"My parents said some things and it got into my head, then I walked in on him kissing you and I thought what they said was true and then I got drunk , so fucking drunk and I..........
I woke up and she was there naked but I had on underwear and...."
"And that's your excuse huh!...that makes this all better huh Grayson, did you even use prorection?" She breaks down sobbing"how do you know she isn't carrying your child right now" she heaves out tears streaming down her face...
Fucking hell this hurts, her pain right now is ripping me to shreds bit I'll fucking die trying with her
"You should have asked me, talked to me ...he was saying goodbye Grayson, I told him about us and how much I love and adore you...you Grayson you...."
Taking her face in my hands and looking into her eyes...
"Tell me what to do baby, tell me what to do to make this better, please tell me how I can make your hurt go away"
I hiccup.,.her tears rolling down her face...my tears roll down my cheecks
She moves away from me and walks down the stairs looking at the trees around her.
Breathing rapidly and exhaling loudly I follow her and I come up behind her...
I want to pull her close and it is as if she reads my mind...
"Please do not touch me right now Grayson, I.....I cannot think ......when you touch me"
"Baby I cannot think when I'm not touching you"
"Lilly....we're heading out babe, you ready?"
We turn our heads and there is Jen....
Lilly turns around but I move with her
"Please not yet...please.....I wanna ....I want to to....."
Breathing out harshly...looking down a her...
" I need to ...,don' go, not yet please" taking her hands in mine and I lace it together..."
She is looking at me with those beautiful sad eyes...confused
"I have things to sort out"
"Then tell me when I can see you....let her go and let me take you home" I plead with my eyes...
She is looking at me like she is struggling to make a choice
"I need to think please understand, give me a little time to myself ....and Jen is spending the night so...maybe tomorrow?"
"Tomorow then"
I hug her putting my face in her neck, breathing her in...
"I love you" I say then step back and let her pass....
YOU ARE READING
Finding My Happiness
RomansaHe made me lose myself in him without giving himself to me... I did'nt know what i had until i lost her.... I finally had a chance to show her how lost i was in her even before she knew it... 2 brothers inlove with one women.... One took her for gra...
