Five Seconds After the Flash

Chapter Thirteen

Things were tense between Ryan and me after our squabble in front of Daniel, and I knew that eventually we would have to get everything out to clear the air. I had too much on my mind to start that conversation though.

We walked in the front door to our mother sitting on the couch.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Seems like the same old Daniel," Ryan mumbled. 

Her brows pulled together. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, "I'm headed out for a bit. Going to hang out with some of the old football gang. I probably won't be home for dinner."

Mom nodded, but she looked concerned. I walked past both of them without saying a word and went straight to my room. I was seething from Ryan's attitude toward both Andrew and Reid. I would have loved for him to tell me the right thing to do, then I could stop worrying about it and just rely on my brother like always.

I heard a knock on the door and I groaned. I didn't feel like seeing anyone.

"What?" I said, staring up at the ceiling from my bed. I looked over at the Johnny Depp poster for support, but he was no help, as usual. 

Mom walked in, her face twisted in concern but holding a small smile.

"Everything OK?"

"Yes. I'm fine."

She stood in the doorway, just looking at me, and anger bubbled up from deep in my stomach.

"What?" I yelled.

She recoiled, then said, "I'm just trying to figure out why you don't want to talk to me, Victoria."

I put both hands on my face, pushing back tears that threatened to escape. Was it yesterday or the day before that I had been with Andrew, feeling like things were starting to look up for me? I wished that I had left this town far behind, and everyone in it.

"Ask your son. He has all the answers apparently," I seethed.

"Hm. I'm not sure about that. But Ryan has always felt like it was his job to step in and take care of you. I think sometimes he gets a little too caught up in that mindset."

I realized that I had been holding my breath, and I released a huge sigh. I pulled my hands from my face, lying them on either side of me on the bed.

"How am I supposed to figure out my own life when I look to him for everything? I can't be confident like him. I can't just move forward when things don't go the way I planned. I can't be OK with Grandpa gone."

She shook her head. "You're not supposed to be Ryan. You each have your own strengths and your 'inability to be OK' as you put it, is what holds you so close to what your grandpa left you in the journal. Why do you think he specifically wanted you to read it?"

The tears were forming again but I held them back.

"I have been reading it, and I still don't know what to do. I couldn't be there for Daniel when he needed me. I was too wrapped up in my own world, trying to move forward like I'm supposed to do. I can't win.

"Now, I'm too afraid to finish it. I'm afraid of what he thought when he knew that he would be playing a major role in our lives. I'm afraid that it was all an act for us."

She crossed her arms and smiled. "You don't need to be afraid. If there was anyone who saw him, it was you. You got to see the best parts of him, Victoria, because you brought them out in him. And they were real."

"I just wish that he were here. He would know what to say," I said.

I hadn't meant to hurt her, but I could tell by her face that my words had cut her in a way that I couldn't understand.