The Not-So-Fabulous Killjoy

Chapter Three - Target Practice

"Okay, just aim at the trash."
Beatrix shot at a pile of rubble and garbage with her new, shiny gun. "This is actually pretty easy."
Poison shrugged. "Seems easy, but in battle? You'll never be able to tell."
You'll never be able to shoot like this in a fight.
"Target practice is always pretty easy," Bee said, humming a bit to herself.
"And battles aren't."
"I know, Poison."
"The thing with fights is that you get adrenaline and it gets easier to shoot then. Problem is, it runs out fast."
"I know."
"Okay, that's good for today." Poison walked back over to the radio they owned and tuned it, and they all sat down to listen.
~~~~~~~~~
"I'm going on a walk for a bit, okay?" Beatrix yelled back to the camp.
"Okay! Be back soon, and let us know if there's any danger," Jet yelled back.
Bee wandered past hearing range of the camp.
So, you're a Killjoy now.
"Mmhmm."
Isn't that exciting?
"Of course! I'm excited. I'm finally Sunny Side. I'm a fighter! Strong and brave!"
Don't get too ahead of yourself.
"Trix, always the pessimist. Can't you just be happy for once?"
But what if you don't meet their standards?
"It'll be fine."
How do you know?
Beatrix moved her hand to her jean pocket, feeling the outline of her blade, and just as quickly, pulled her hand away again. "No! I swore off cutting two months ago. I'm not breaking my streak again! I'm two whole months clean!"
You should. It's for coping. Anyway, it's not like Poison cares about you or anything. They all probably think you're insane.
"No, no! Sunny side up. Everything's fine!" She raised her voice a bit. "I'm fine! I'm not going to give in!"
You're weak. You're a dumb, eccentric, overexcited kid. You'll never be a Killjoy.
"You're wrong! I am a Killjoy! Poison said it himself!" Her breathing quickened.
Poison lied.
"Shut up!" Beatrix covered her ears. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" She started hyperventilating a bit, and sat down and leaned on something close to her.
You're stuck with me, Bee.
"Shut UP!"
"Beatrix?" a familiar voice called. Bee froze.
"Sunny? You okay? I heard shouting. Are you talking to someone?"
"Poison? I don't- I-"
"Are you having a panic attack?"
"No, no, I'm fine..."
"It's fine if you're talking to a cat or something, but it's kind of suspicious when you act like it talks back."
"No, I- It's..."
"You can tell me."
"Okay! Fine! I talk to myself! There's a voice inside my head, it's been there ever since I killed that draculoid!" Her eyes clouded up. "I talk to it, I named it Trixie, I know! It sounds crazy, and stupid! So, yeah! I talk to myself! There's your answer!"
Bee quickly walked in a random direction, rubbing at her eyes, trying not to let her tears spill. Eventually, she found a rock to hide behind and sat down and hugged her knees to her chest and cried.
You're stupid
You're useless
You're pathetic
You're an idiot
You're not a Killjoy
You'll never be one
Poison hates you
Jet hates you
Kobra hates you
Ghoul hates you
You'll never be a hero
You'll never be a hero
You'll never be a hero
You'll never be a hero
You'll never be a hero
You'll never be a hero
You'll never be a hero
You'll never be a hero
Bee tried to let the thoughts go, but they kept coming back. She let herself panic and hoped that she would calm down.
"Hey, hey. It's okay," she heard a voice say. "I'm here."
After a few minutes, Bee managed to calm down and opened her eyes. Her grip on her arms loosened and she returned her breathing to normal.
"You okay?" she heard Poison say.
"Oh, god. I'm sorry, I'm-- I shouldn't have--"
"No, it's fine. Everyone gets anxious." He pat her shoulder and smiled. "So, are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm... better. Thanks... I guess."
"Mm. Ghoul told me what panic attacks are like once. They sound really bad. I remember once, we were fighting a bunch of draculoids, and he had to go hide behind a rock because he was panicking." He stood up. "Anyway, back to camp?"
"Back to camp," Bee agreed.