Ding

.06

I stepped out on to my hotel balcony greeted by the blazing sun. We arrived in Guam yesterday and today we were going to have rehearsals for the concert later tonight. It was so hot here on the island but it was beautiful nonetheless. It is so cold back in Korea that we left with warm clothes but the moment we stepped out of the airplane to make our way into the terminal, you can just feel the heat. I walked back into my hotel room to see what clothes I packed and none of them were fitted for this weather. I guess I would have to wear my loose pants and short sleeve sweater. I really did not pack right for this trip. I should get ready for today.

I stepped out of the bathroom after my morning shower when I heard a knock on my door. I made my way to my door and was greeted by the sight of Momo unnie, whom I was actually surprised to see that she is already up this early. I made way so that she can come in and closed the door behind her.

"You're up early, unnie"

"Yeah because the time change"

"It's not that much of a difference"

"True but I'm actually really hungry. that's why I'm already up. I knew you'd be up so I came to bother you."

"You want me to go with you to breakfast?" I asked her. She shook her head acknowledging the reason for her visit. "Ok, just give me a second so I can get dressed." I grabbed my clothes and made my way to my bathroom to get ready.

I reappear from my bathroom after putting on my clothes to an empty bedroom. Where did she go? I wondered as I walked further and found her sitting outside on the balcony. She was just quietly sitting there with her eyes closed, basking in the sun. She must be sleeping, I thought as I turned and started to walk away until I heard her speak. "I'm not sleeping." I turned back to her as she opened her eyes and that's when I noticed the tear streaks down her cheeks.

"Unnie, are you ok?" I asked with concern in my voice, I pulled up the other chair to sit next to her. She wiped her cheeks and turned to look at me. "I'm fine." she replied with a smile.

"I don't think your fine. What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm a failure. I failed you and Mina" Momo unnie said as she looked down not trying to make eye contact with me. I was confused by what she meant. "What are you talking about unnie? You didn't fail us?"

"Yes, I did. As the oldest foreign member, I have not been looking out for my dongsaengs. Mina is heartbroken. She thinks no one hears her but she cries at night and then you with your PTSD, I don't know what I can do to help make things easier for you. You and Mina are both going through things and I am no help at all." I felt my heart ache for Momo unnie.

"But that's not your responsibility, unnie. Things will always happen and we have no control over it. You shouldn't bare that burden."

"I can't help it Tzuyu. I'm the oldest. I should be taking care of you two more but instead I don't even notice. I'm such an idiot. I'm the worst unnie to you both."

"No, unnie. Don't say that." My heart hurts knowing that this is what my unnie has been carrying with her. It was a realization to me that we all have struggles that we don't talk about with each other. Here I thought Momo unnie whom has always been known as a pabo and has such a carefree personality has her own internal struggles. "Unnie, listen." I said as I grabbed her hand, she looked up to me as I spoke. "You are one of the best unnies, I have ever had. You do so much for me. I will never want you to think that you are not doing anything for me because you do a lot. Just you being yourself makes it easier for me."

"You'll tell me if you need my help then right? If you need anything, you'll ask me, right? Because I don't know anything about mental illness and I am going to read up on PTSD so that I can better help you when you need me, ok?" I smiled at her determination to help me.