Ding

.09

MAMA Hong Kong, today was the last day of MAMAs. We were originally not set to attend the last day but somehow it was placed on our schedule and here we were. From what I was told since I didn't attend the dinner meeting when we were in Japan was that there was an agreement finally met and ONCEs really wanted us to attend so here we are.

I'm thankful to ONCEs because now I can finally do what I've been wanting to do for weeks. Confess and let nature takes its course. We saw each other at the airport when we were waiting to board our flights but I didn't get a chance to talk to him as he was with his staff and I was with mines. They were staying in a different hotel from all of us for security purposes so the only time I can talk to him will be at the venue. Either way, I was happy and cheerful today. Today was going to be a great day.

We finished walking the red carpet and finished our last minute touch ups. We made our way inside the venue and took our seats. I couldn't help but look around to see where his group would be sitting at, as everyone started taking their seats and dawned on me that the roll behind us was still vacant. I tried to keep my composure as I realized they will be seated behind us and as if on cue, they came walking in last and took their seats behind us.

I wanted to look at him but the way I was positioned did not allow me any opportunities to steal glances of him. The thought of him sitting behind me played heavily with my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking of me, was he looking at me, I just needed to know what he was doing. I couldn't even pay attention to the ceremony as he stayed on my mind. The only time I got to see him really was when their group won an award and they won several.

It was finally the end of the ceremony and it was an emotional ending. We unexpectedly won The Grand Prize for Song of the Year. It was the 3rd time in a row. A first for an artist. Many of my unnies cried when we won as this year was the most stressful year for us. We were constantly flying back and forth. We had back to back comebacks. We were touring. Our bodies couldn't handle it and we were exhausted and extremely stressed so when we won The Grand Prize, we couldn't help but become emotional.

What made the night even more emotional was when BTS won Artist of the Year again. Many of us were shocked when they revealed that they debated on disbanding. We couldn't believe that they would think of disbanding when they were so loved by the whole world but they shown through their honesty that being at the top carries so much weight and it can burn you out. We can relate as we are undisputedly the top girl group.

Mina unnie cried a lot when she heard that. We didn't have to ask as we already knew she was blaming herself that she may have contributed to the stress that her oppa was facing by breaking up with him. After we were done saying our farewells to the fans, we rushed backstage to try to compose ourselves. I knew this was going to be my only moment to talk to him as he was not staying at the same hotel as all of us artists. I also wanted to comfort him as he crying himself on stage. It was now or never. I quickly told Jihyo unnie where I was going. She told me to be careful not to get caught but be back as soon as possible as we will be leaving soon. With her permission, I snuck out of our dressing room before one of my managers catch me.

As I was making my way to his dressing room, I caught of glimpse of him at the opposite direction. I made my way towards his direction when I stopped as I realized he was talking to someone. That voice sounded familiar as I thought, Oh it's Yugyeom oppa. I didn't want to listen to their conversation but curiosity got the best of me and I continued to stand there listening.

"Man, I didn't expect hyung to reveal to everyone about the disbandment." I heard him say.

"Oh man, for reals. Everyone was shocked but you guys are ok now, right?"

"Yeah. We're fine. There wasn't a doubt in any of our minds, that we weren't gonna disband but we did talk about it and gave each other time to think it through."