Raw Winter

Chapter 14: Dear Doctor

Winter, when they were walking into town, had wrapped her arm in his to reassure him, but he still seemed nervous about upsetting her. She could feel his fear and doubts about her like hot acid, but said nothing about it. She knew she had upset him with how upset she was, but didn't consider that fair. She had a right to it, and he acknowledged she did, but she still felt he was acting as if it was her fault and not his.

"So what's this friend like?" She asked, already preparing for things to repeat, but with a stranger. She was mentally preparing to ward off any anger or fear. She found sometimes she just couldn't feel anything. Not anger or grief. Just an exhausting sense that nothing would change and she would have to feel miserable forever.

"She's smarter than me," Charlet said, not looking at her. "She shouldn't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable if it's possible, and she'll be much more understanding. She sort of has experience with people like you, and often those that come from the manor."

"How many women have you watched them destroy, and this was all you could do for them?" She asked thoughtlessly, but didn't bother to correct herself after saying it. She already felt dead.

He twitched uncomfortably and said, "There weren't many I've known during my time in your position, but I know the last librarian helped many people. I think that's why I tried to help you."

It hadn't occurred to her that with all the time he had known him, there couldn't have been much time prior. She didn't look at him. She just nodded, unsure how to feel and definitely not intending to show it.

She was wearing a cloak, but it was apparent to the villagers they were from the manor. She could feel their eyes on her and wondered what they thought of her. She felt her face growing red and her temper growing sharper as she looked around at them with contempt, from the women walking by with their bags to the young boys sweeping the streets in front of their fathers' shops. The men didn't seem to watch them nearly as much, so they were easier to ignore.

Charlet seemed to notice how stressed she was, and guided her towards less populated streets and paths. If he could avoid going through town he would have, but the doctor he wanted her to see was near the center to be more available to the village. She tried not to suspect Charlet, but it made her feel uneasy being herded.

By the time they reached the doctor's house, she snapped, "How do I know you're not trying to trick me?"

"I can't imagine what you mean," Charlet told her in a hushed voice, but she knew he did, and she was aware externally that he wasn't intending anything by what he was doing. Unfortunately, his patience was wearing thin. "I'm just trying to help you. I could always take you back and call this all off. I could tell Tirenen and be done with it if that's what you want instead. If I do that, I can't say what will happen to you."

"Is this what this is about?" Winter said. "Are you trying to get me to think you're the good guy? Is that it? Are you going to tell me you weren't just as responsible as the rest of them?"

"Don't you dare say that," Charlet shot back, his eyebrows furrowing, but his voice had grown considerably flimsier. "There isn't a time when I don't believe what I did was wrong, and you know it. You know how guilty I feel for what's happened to you, and you were the one that said just yesterday you don't blame me for it. You even said you felt safer for me finding you, didn't you? I don't care if you blame me because I blame myself, but don't you dare imply I'm trying to convince you of anything else?"

Winter glared at him, not knowing what to say as she felt partially at fault now, but hardly ready to admit it in her uncertainty.

A soft voice said, "Is there something wrong?" It was the doctor. She had heard their loud arguing and came out to investigate. She didn't seem upset, her eyes soft and curious, but her forehead was wrinkling as she looked between them as if trying to discern the problem.