Raw Winter

Chapter: 41 Faultless

Caronel slept against the wall that night and Rawintr slept on the edge, convinced it would be easier to keep her from getting away in the middle of the night. She didn't think she would ever fall asleep as she felt in danger of falling, but drifted off eventually. When she woke in the morning, Caronel had her arms tightly wrapped around her, holding her close against her as if she were the last source of warmth. Rawintr felt an uneasy sense of panic creep in, but also a strange peace. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, Caronel was back against the wall and Rawintr got to her feet. Her heart was beating wildly like she had a bad dream, but couldn't remember any dreams.

She stepped out, and they were moving Adders out to the deck. She was feeling claustrophobic not being able to see the sky, and Chresher was at her side, nodding at her, and she nodded back. Neither of them needed to speak, though she wished it was Kircan so she knew everything between them was fine and forgiven. The memory of him in her hands sent shivers of loathing through her, though she couldn't take it back now. She figured it would all come back on her when he stabbed her in the back, literally, during the upcoming invasion, and that would be fine.

She couldn't cry when she saw Adders, though she wanted to. He had been one of her favorites, and to see Mesmar so distraught made it worse. For a bitter moment, she imagined ordering them to stop mourning, but it was such a sharp and unreasonable thought she wanted to yell at herself for having it. She knew she didn't need to show any signs of madness in front of her crew during this vital time.

Yulsylus stood nearby and moved over when he noticed her, wiping her face with a cloth, though there were no tears there. It was so sudden and unexpected it left her wondering if this was a dream. She wasn't. She watched him walk up to Mesmar and lean in, whispering to him.

The man nodded, wiping his dripping nose on his sleeve. All of her crew gave a sort of salute to Adders and she followed, though she didn't know if as captain they meant her to do something special. The only deaths she had been there for while Hades Smith was captain were when he maimed his crew for misbehaving, and those he maimed didn't get any honors from the rest of the crew.

"He'll sail beyond this world and we'll see him off in peace," Rawintr said, though she didn't know if that was the right thing to say. She didn't know if a man like Adders would rather not sail ever again now he was parted from his mortal body and the responsibilities of sailing.

The others seemed to raise their hands in agreement or murmur it, so she guessed it was good enough as they took away. She was curious about what Yulsylus was going to do as she watched him being lowered down. She knew he was capable of a lot of things, but a lot of things she thought he might do, she might have dreamed. In the end, she left them to do what they were going to do and considered it good enough that Mesmar knew even if she didn't.

She stared back the way her room was, considering returning there to be alone, but remembered she wouldn't be. She wasn't sure if it was good or bad. No one had talked to her quite like that woman—Caronel—had before. Before she could go, someone called to her.

"Captain Rawintr," Kircan said, and though she hadn't been moving too quickly, she stopped dead and looked at him. She couldn't read his tone and his face was void of emotion.

She felt her blood heat and considered pulling her sword free from its scabbard just to be prepared for whatever he was going to say. She considered she should reach for her pistol instead, but wasn't working. He continued to stare, to look her up and down as if to size her up. She didn't move and barely breathed. It felt like she was gathering everything beneath her, prepared to pounce.

"I wanted to say how sorry I am. I know I haven't been giving you the proper respect you deserve. I didn't expect you to favor me the way you did, and it surprised me you passed me over, but I'd be lying if I said that's what my behavior has been about. I want to tell you something I've been thinking about for a while, a plan I've been forming."