Some Maze Runner thing

Chapter Five

I stopped humming when I realized that my voice sounded like a combination of a chicken and... I don't remember. I was going to say a person's name, but I don't remember the name. Well, my humming sounded like a mixture of a squawk and the sound that a breeze would make if it had a voice. I just lay there in silence for a while, and I stared to think about the whole situation a little more. That was a mistake. Everything started figuratively crashing in on me. Most of it wasn't uneasiness about where I was. I would either survive or I wouldn't, and as of now it seemed that I would survive. It was mostly the memory loss. My past life could've been great, but I would know because it was all missing. It could've been horrible, maybe remembering wouldn't be good. Oblivion bothers me, though. I feel as if something could be missing that is an important part of me, and by taking away that memory, I'm an altered person. Not completely myself. Now maybe if I had my memory back, I'd think differently (that's what bothers me), but right now I think I think that if I had a choice between knowing that I am a horribly depressed person and not knowing who I am at all, I'd choose the first. I'm not sure if my train of thoughts makes sense. Mostly I'm thinking that I don't like the idea of artificial happiness. But I also feel conflicted because if my past self disagreed, I'd like to feel the way my past self did.

I took a deep breath and started to push back my emotions again. They wouldn't help me for now. Although it's usually alright to feel something and know that you have emotion, letting people know that is different. The people here are unfamiliar. I'm not sure whether people normally react to tears with sympathy or disgust or anger. That would have to be one of the first things I do here. Although things might not be normal here, I'd have to find something in common with the majority of the people. Things that usually happen in life change to much, so they become less of a "usually". At least that's what I think. It could be a false memory. But although personalities change, reactions to events don't usually.

I stopped and remembered that I was supposed to be trying to sleep. My thoughts weren't going in a direction that would help me get there. Maybe this happened often. Or maybe I just had caffeine or something before losing my memory. It's weird to think how I could have been doing something a few hours before waking up in the box thing. I decided to give up on trying to sleep, it didn't seem like it was going to happen.

That sentence seemed to trigger something in my mind but I couldn't remember what it was. Not exactly the entire sentence, just the last bit about "it didn't seem like it was going to happen." Maybe that was an important memory or maybe it was something silly from childhood. If that sort of thing happened. Silly memories, that is. The possibility that this might be a technology where I am in a game occurred to me, but if I always assumed that things weren't real that would get me nowhere. It could also be a dream, but it seemed as if there was too much detail in this situation for that.

Useless thoughts like these kept me awake for maybe a few more hours? I wasn't sure. For a while I was just thinking and feeling too tired to fall asleep, if that makes sense. I was focusing on how I was tired, until I was too tired to even to that. And then I lost focus, and with that, my consciousness.

Author's Note

So I'm kind of going off topic in this, but I have lots of thoughts and I don't usually talk but I enjoy writing, so I kind of added some things I've been thinking into this. I probably might go off topic a lot, mostly because I'm figuratively putting a little bit of me into the story.

PS: Screw it I was thinking of waiting to update for like idk effect or something but I'm feeling talkative at the moment. Except not for out loud words. I'm amused because something my author's notes are as long as the chapter itself.