Coming Out

Part Four

I rub Jorge's back while he empties his stomach in the toilet. He's been throwing up for that past five minutes. He just drank way too much way too fast.

Jorge lets out a breath as he flushes the toilet.

"Are you okay? Feeling better now?" I help him sit up against the wall and wipe his face with a wet washcloth to get the throw up off his mouth.

"Yeah," Jorge's voice cracks and he lets out a sob. He pulls his knees into his chest and rests his head on them. 

"Why are you crying, baby? What's wrong?" I sit down next to him. He shrugs but doesn't look up. "Does your stomach hurt still?"

He looks up at me and wipes his nose on his sleeve. His eyes are bloodshot from the mix of alcohol, throwing up, and now crying. Streams of tears fall from his eyes when he says, "No."

"Then what's going on, baby?" I pull him onto my lap and rock him lightly. He sobs into my chest, gripping my shirt.

"I don't know. I-" He takes a deep breath. "I think I'm in love with you."

"Oh," I say confused. He's never said that to me before. I think I'm in love with him, too, but I wanted to tell him that when it was the right time. Why is he telling me while he's drunk on the bathroom floor of some party after just throwing up?

"You don't have to say it back. I've wanted to say it for a long time, but I was never felt like it was a good time," He lifts his head from my chest and looks into my eyes. "We've been together for, like, five months and I hate that I'm your secret still. Why can't I dance with the person I love at a party after he wins the football game? Why do we have to ignore each other in the hallways at school? Why do we have to sleep in the back of your car every time we want to spend the night together?" He sobs. 

"Baby-" I start.

"You don't have to come out today or tomorrow. I'm not asking you to do that for me. I just wish sometimes I didn't love you. I don't want to be a secret anymore, but I can't be without you." He sounds heartbroken. I don't know what to say or how to make this better for him. This sweet boy, who's an absolute pain in my ass, loves me. I love him back, so why can't that just be enough? Why can't I show my beautiful boyfriend off at school dances or bring him home to meet my parents? He deserves the whole world, so why am I so scared to give him just a fraction of it?

"Come on," I move him to the floor to stand up, then help him stand up.

"Where are we going?" He grabs my hand.

"We're going to my house," I open the door, but Jorge pulls away and shuts it.

"What if people see us leaving together?" 

"Baby, you're sick and you need to go home," I open the door and wrap my arm around his waist to help him walk. "And if anyone asks, that's what I'll say." 

We take the stares slowly so Jorge doesn't fall. When we get to the bottom of the stares nobody seems to notice or care that I'm practically carrying Jorge through the house. We make it halfway to the door before I hear someone call my name.

"Benji!" Drew runs up to me. He glances at Jorge in my arms but doesn't say anything. "Are you leaving?" 

"Yeah."

"Are you still going to hangout with that girl?" He asks curiously,

"No. I think I'm just going to go home," I smile at him. "I'll see you on Monday, though." I give him a pat on the back before walking to the door. 

When we get outside, the cold air feels like heaven. I put Jorge in the passenger seat of my car and get in myself when I have him buckled. He looks at me and smiles. He rests his head on the window and falls asleep before I even pull out of the driveway. 

When we get to my house I pick him up and carry him inside. It's around three in the morning, so I won't have to worry about explaining to my parents until in the morning and the see Jorge here. 

I carry him up to my room and lay him gently on the bed. 

"Benji," Jorge groans, rubbing his eyes. He sits up and looks around. "Is this your room?" 

"Yeah," I smile at him. I forget he's never been to my house before. 

"It's nice."

I take my jeans and sweater off and sit down in front of Jorge. I hold his hand and look into his eyes. "I want to say something," Jorge cocks his head to the side and waits for me to continue. "But, can you just not say anything until I'm done? I just need to get this out and I'm afraid if I don't right now, I never will."

"Okay," Jorge looks at me curiously. 

"I think I'm in love with you, too." Jorge smiles as these words leave my mouth. "I don't know why it's so hard for me to come out. I know my family and friends love me. I don't think that'll change, but what if it does? Or what if they look at me differently? I am so proud that you're my boyfriend and I want to share that with the whole world. Someday. I promise I'm going to start working on it more, but I need you to be patient with me. I'll tell my parents in the morning, but it'll take me a little longer to work up the courage to tell people at school. I'd do anything to make sure you don't feel like that anymore," I say referencing what happened in the bathroom just before we got to my house. He just stares at me. "I'm done talking."

Jorge smiles and looks at his lap. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Tell me you love me again."