Coming Out

Part Eighteen

The familiar smell of alcohol fills my nostrils as I walk inside Drew's house. The loud music bounces off me in the most annoying way. I just want to be at home, with Jorge. I should be quick, though. Jorge decided to stay at my house and wait for me there. I can imagine him now, in my sweatshirt, sitting on the bed trying to finish his math homework he was working on earlier. We got a little distracted and he never got to finish it.

"Hey, Benji!" Drew calls my name. I turn to see him walking towards me with a grin on his face. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"I told you I'd come," I smile at him. Stumbles slightly when a girl bumps into him trying to get to the kitchen.

"Laney's here," Drew puts his arm around my neck and leans against me to keep himself up. I laugh and walk him to the living room.

"I know, you told me she was coming," I laugh and set him down on the couch before sitting next to him.

We sit on the couch and talk for a while, waiting for Olivia and Laney to walk past us or see us.

"There they are!" Drew points to a group of girls dancing. Olivia and Laney are in the middle laughing and swaying with the music. She seems like a nice girl, and maybe one day I can be her friend. "Olivia! Laney!"

"Why'd you call them over?" I roll my eyes at Drew. I know I need to talk to Laney, but they looked like they were having fun, and I don't want to be the reason she isn't having fun anymore.

"Hey, Benji," Laney smiles at me and takes a sip of her drink.

"Hey," I smile at her as she sits down next to me on the couch. "How are you?"

"Better now that you're here," Laney giggles. Her glossed over eyes look me up and down.

I look at Drew, panicking and not knowing what to say. He's staring at Olivia as she tells a story.

"Oh," I scratch the back of my neck and give her a small smile. "Uh, thank you."

Laney scoots closer to me and puts her hand on my thigh. Without a second thought, I push her off and stand up.

"Are you okay?" Laney tilts her head.

"I'm just going to go get a drink. I'll be right back," I walk to the kitchen. I wasn't planing on drinking, but I don't think I can do this sober. I need a little bit of courage. I'll just have to call a cab or something.

I fill a cup with alcohol and take out my phone to text Jorge.

"I love you," I send him with a smile. My eyes widen at the time. I've been at the party for over and hour and have gotten nowhere with Laney. I roll my eyes and make my way back to the living room, sipping on my drink. 

***

A couple drinks later, we decided to play Truth or Dare. It might be the alcohol talking, but I'm actually having fun. Laney's pretty funny, but gets closer with each turn. My head's too fuzzy to do anything about it.

"Laney, truth or dare?" Drew looks at her.

"Truth," Laney giggles. She's had at least four drinks with me, plus whatever she had before I got here.

"Out of anyone here, who do you want to hook up with the most?" Drew smirks at her. Laneys eyes widen before she blushes and looks at her lap.

"Um," Laney stutters. I look at Drew and he's trying to hold in a laugh. Everyone playing knows the answer, yet he's making her say it out loud. "Benji."

I look around the room, anywhere but at her. The tension in the air makes it almost impossible to breathe. Thankfully, Olivia chimes in and says, "My turn! Benji, truth or dare?"

"Dare," I don't think anyone would question my sexuality, but I don't want to risk getting a truth that would end up with me outing myself.

"I dare you-" Drew cuts her off to whisper in her ear. Olivia giggles and nods her head at Drew. "Kiss Laneys."

"I can't," I say within the second of those words leaving her mouth. I look over at Laney who's got her eyebrows furrowed.

She picks at her jeans before looking up at me, "Why?" I look away from her and look at Drew, who's looking at me confused.

"I just, uh," I don't know what to say. Fuck. Why did I drink so much? I can't think clearly. Coming up with a lie for why I can't kiss her would be hard while I was sober. Being drunk and trying to think of one makes the room spin.

"It's just a kiss," Olivia laughs.

"Yeah, it's not a big deal, Benji. Isn't this what you wanted, anyways?" Drew shakes his head at me.

"He doesn't want to, its fine," Laney picks at her nails, trying to avoid eye contact. She looks like she's about to cry. I don't know how to fix this.

I take a large gulp of my drink, and look at Laney. "Okay."

"What?" Laney tilts her head.

"Just one kiss," I'll tell Jorge the second I get home. In the morning I'll come out to the whole school to make it up to him, I just can't think straight tonight. My head's too fuzzy to make any sense.

Before I can say anything else, Laneys lips are on mine. They're not as soft as Jorge's, or as plump. She doesn't have the same taste as him that I crave. Her lips don't fit with mine perfectly like his do. I don't stop her, though. I let her kiss me much longer than I should have.

By the time she pulls away I'm out of breath. She gives me a small smile as a blush creep onto her cheeks.

A soft voice, a voice I've heard say a million words and never sound so heart broken, breaks the silence. His voice cracks in a way that covers my body with goosebumps.

"Benji?"