「 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 」；𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚎

𝙸

Wonwoo was sat cross-legged on a wooden bench, black fountain pen in one hand and a pastel blue leather journal in the other. It was late in the afternoon and he had been writing away for hours on end until he was finally finished.
He closed his journal and set it on the space next to him, releasing a deep sigh. He leaned his head back and stared straight up. Although the amber coloured trees surrounding him were hundreds of feet tall and mostly covered his view of the sky, he could still see bits and pieces of it here and there.

Large patches of thick grey clouds coated the darkening sky, forecasting that it was probably going to rain sometime soon. He still had a bit of time before that though.
The cool autumn breeze blew gently against Wonwoo's dark curls, messing them up in a way that made him seem like he had just gotten out of bed. The dead leaves around him rustled along with the wind every once in a while and the occasional crunching of leaves could be heard due to people walking by.

Wonwoo wanted to stay in this moment for as long as he could.
He adored weather like this; or at least that's what he thought. He always felt some sort of warm, comforting happiness in him when the weather was like this. It made him feel like everything was going to be alright.
He never knew or understood why, so he just assumed it was because he enjoyed it.

Shortly after, a raindrop landed on the lens of his round glasses, slowly followed by another and another and another.
Wonwoo didn't want to leave yet, nor did he care about getting soaked in the storm that was forming. However, it was getting late and he was starting to get hungry. Wonwoo grabbed his journal and pen, shoving them into his satchel, before making his way back to his empty apartment.

The raindrops picked up speed and soon enough, it was pouring down. Luckily, Wonwoo made it back to his apartment block before the rain got aggressive.
He made his way to the old elevator — that looked and sounded as if it had been there since the dark ages — and pressed the button with the faded '3' on it. Seconds later, a loud ding sounded as the doors opened, scaring the hell out of Wonwoo yet again. He always forgot about that damn dinging sound.

The apartment block that Wonwoo lived in seemed decent from the outside: the bricks were painted a cream colour and the small garden surrounding it was well kept (thanks to the elderly couple living there) with vibrant flowers.
The inside, on the other hand, was a completely different story.
It was pretty much falling apart inside.
The walls were covered in various colours of graffiti, cigarette butts were scattered on the dusty ground and the faint, but unmistakable, smell of weed hung in the cold air. Cobwebs were found in the corners of the ceiling and flies were always buzzing around the dimming lights in the hallways and staircase. The building was also quite abandoned aside from the elderly couple and the university student that lived there.
To be fair, it was located on the shady side of the neighborhood and seemed to be more of a hang out for crackheads and druggies rather than a place to live, so it did make sense why barely anyone wanted to live there. It was small too. The complex only had three floors; each floor containing two apartments. The elderly couple lived on the bottom floor, the university student on the second and Wonwoo on the third.

He reached into his satchel, fumbled around for his keys and unlocked the door once he found them. Pushing the grey steel door open, Wonwoo stepped into his apartment and shut the door behind him, causing it to lock automatically. Now it could only be opened from the inside.

He slid his trainers off, put on some slippers and took off his satchel. He trudged into his living room and stared at the TV in confusion. It was switched on and Wonwoo didn't recall turning it on just now, meaning that it had most likely been switched on since he left to go to the park.
"—And prices for rent will continue to rise. In other news, the president of North Korea has decid—" Wonwoo plopped himself onto the couch, accidentally sitting on the remote causing the TV to switch off.
"Idiot." He mumbled to himself, as he stood back up, leaving his satchel on the couch.

His stomach growled as he wandered into the small kitchen, opening his fridge. There were only a few more cans of Red Bull, two bottles of soju and four eggs left. He groaned and opened his pantry. A few cups of instant ramen remained, along with a half full bottle of soy sauce, two packs of honey butter chips and an almost empty sack of white rice. Everything was so empty. Then again, Wonwoo barely ate nowadays. He would either forget to eat or he'd be so tired from work that he'd just shower and go straight to sleep. On the days where he had to work both night and day, he'd usually survive on two cans of Red Bull to keep him awake.

Wonwoo is 23 and he's been working at a cat café during the day and at a club during the night in the centre of Seoul for the past 4 (maybe 5, he's not quite sure) years and if he was honest, the pay from either job wasn't bad. But on the other hand, it wasn't good either. Especially with how expensive things are getting nowadays, he could barely afford much. Which is why he lives in such a shitty apartment — it's cheap and affordable.
Wonwoo stood there staring into space before deciding to prepare another cup of ramen. He was fully aware that ramen was unhealthy and that he shouldn't live off of them, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Nothing mattered to him as much anymore. To be frank, the only reason he was even living still was because a small part of him held onto the hope that things would change. The hope that maybe, just maybe, his life would improve was the only thing that kept him going.
But sometimes, his mind would be shrouded by clouds of dark thoughts. There were those sleepless nights where Wonwoo lay awake in his bed thinking.
Thinking about worthless he was.
Thinking about how pathetic he was.
Thinking about how if it weren't for his amnesia, maybe he would have a normal life with his family and friends.
However, his life was far from normal. He had no friends. (His co-workers were friendly and all, but as soon as they leave the café it's like they drop off the face of the earth.)
No family.
No one.
Why is that? Well, not even Wonwoo himself knows the answer to that. No matter how hard he tries, he doesn't remember anything past the accident. The only reason he still remembers certain aspects of his job is because he worked there for a year before the accident.

Eventually, the thoughts in his head got so loud that he couldn't hear himself think. He drank bottles upon bottles of soju that night, in hopes that it would quieten the voices.
And it worked.
Temporarily, but it worked.
That was all he needed. And that's how Wonwoo's been living ever since.

On the rare occasions where he doesn't have enough money to buy soju, he ends up harming himself to get the voices to stop instead. Something about the burning sensation of the silver blade across his wrists and the streaks of wine red it leaves behind satisfies the voices. It was as they said, 'He deserves it.'

Throughout the years, Wonwoo had fallen down a deep, dark hole. Each time he tried to get out of it, he'd always fall right back in.
He didn't want to lead the life of a depressed alcoholic, but it was just the way things were now. His energy had been wasted on trying to get out of the hole all these years. Now he just sits in the darkness, letting himself fall further. Perhaps someday, he'll find the strength to climb out. Or perhaps, someone will pull him out.

Wonwoo had zoned out again and the ramen had been sitting in the flavoured water for about 20 minutes. It was cold and soggy, but Wonwoo gulped them down hungrily nonetheless. He stayed up until around 5am, binge watching an anime on Netflix to distract himself since he wasn't tired and by the time it was 6am, he was already sleeping soundly on his couch.

Good thing it was a Sunday.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

A/N – Hi! Welcome to the end of the first chapter ^^ I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, there's more on the way~ :)

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

SOTD ; Deep End — THEY.