Maybe Next Time

Chapter 1

CARMEN & HELENE

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one another's being mingle-
Why not I with thine?

See, the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister flower could be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea; -
What are all these kissings worth, or What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?

Love's Philosophy-Percy Bysshe Shelley

***

Two years after Helene passed away, I sold our house at umuwi ako sa Pilipinas.

Hindi madali ang desisyon na bumalik dahil I considered Canada as home.

For fifteen years, dito ako tumira.

If it wasn't for the tragedy that happened, I was planning to stay there for good.

     But my friends were worried about me especially since my family was so far away.

     After my wife died, I fell into depression.

     Hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay and I spent most of my time sleeping.

     Napabayaan ko ang sarili ko, ang trabaho, pati na din ang bahay na pinundar namin when we got married seven years ago.

Nothing made sense to me when she died.

     She was my world at kung wala siya, I didn't see the point of being alive.

     Lahat ng malapit sa akin, nag-aalala na baka sumunod ako kay Helene.

     My closest friend, Sasha, came by at the house everyday to bring me food and to feed our cat, Blinky.

     Baka daw kasi isang araw, dumating na lang siya at makita na pareho na kaming namatay sa gutom o di kaya sa bacteria dahil the house was never cleaned.

     Dahil wala akong energy, I decided to quit my job.

     Ni hindi ko inisip kung paano kami makakasurvive.

     I was so hopeless when I lost the woman I thought I'd spend my life with.

     Around the sixth month after her death, I got out of bed by myself.

     It was bright inside the bedroom and like a vampire, nagulat ako dahil ngayon ko lang ulit nasilayan ang araw.

     Blinky, our gray and white domestic shorthair cat, was sitting at the foot of the bed at nagkatitigan kaming dalawa.

     Just like me, nagulat din siya siguro dahil I haven't been getting out of bed for months.

     Aside from going to the bathroom at kapag dumarating si Sasha, lagi lang akong nakakulong sa kuwarto.

     The first thing I did was to feed the cat and to change the water in the dish bowl.

     It was 9:49 am on the morning of July 17, 2019.

     Ang weird ng pakiramdam ko.

     I felt like I was trapped in a dark cave for so long that I have no concept of time and space.

     The first thing I noticed was how quiet it was inside the house.

     Unlike before when I would wake up to the sound of a French song playing in the living room, it was painfully absent.