Turadh | poetry collection | completed

What it is to be alive.

Note: Sometimes it's hard to be human, isn't it? (2019)

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Sometimes you wish for nonexistence.

Sometimes you want to disappear,

and make the world forget you

because that would be so much better

than enduring this burning,

this scorching, tearing, splitting...

AGONY.

You never knew agony until today.

You never thought it was something

you of all people would ever feel.

But today,

you know.

You know how it feels to have your heart,

torn apart,

crushed and pulverized,

ground up in a blender,

and left in the bin to rot forever.

And "they" will not let you forget,

how bad it hurt to have your heart wrenched.

"They" will keep taking your heart,

out of the bin

and taping it back together for fun,

only to tear it up again,

and then back into the bin to rot.

You wish for the pain to end,

and oh, how tempting it is to wish

to just disappear and wither away on the wind.

Anything

for this pain to end...

I will slap you across the cheek,

make you stand on your two feet.

"Are you weak?

Will you let 'them' get you like that so much,

you want to disappear from this world?

It is like your enemy is coming after you with a sword,

but, too afraid, you drink the poison,

destroying yourself for them."

I will make you take your heart out of the bin.

"It is bruised, battered, ugly,

but oh, look, it's beautifully pulsing!

You are so

ALIVE

and that's your weapon.

Take it, brandish your sword,

stand up! Walk!"

You stand on shaking legs.

You know you are strong because

your battered heart

has always been a heart of steel.

"You just didn't realize before,

and that's okay,

because sometimes we need to get hit

once or twice to figure out

we are strong."

You used to wish for nonexistence.

You used to want to disappear.

But those are the thoughts of one who is lost,

not one who can see a narrow path stretching before them,

branching out into a million possibilities.

A million things you can be.

A million chances

for one life.

Are you still lost?