Turadh | poetry collection | completed

Storm Inside

(2019)

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A sky so gray and dark

purrs with thunder and shakes my heart.

I feel awakened though I don't know why

as all the tears I cried are dry

and caked onto my cheek

—a crusty topping on thoughts

and ideas that keep me from sleep.

As I lay, still and awake in bed,

and curl up in the warmth of my blankets,

I remember all that you once said

about how sorrow without reason

can drown the sanity in your head.

I didn't understand you then and,

I called you "crazy", but I was the crazy one.

So stupid of me to shy away from the truth,

and only realize it once I became alone.

I can already hear you say,

"I told you so."

Thunder turns from a rumble to a roar

making me flinch at its ferocity.

In my depths of sorrowful abyss,

I feel so small in the face of nature's power.

Lightning flashes, turning my room into day,

and I find myself about to pray

—though I'm not religious.

I pray that this storm outside and inside will pass,

and this pain in my chest wouldn't last

and disappear. I hope for only relief as

I drown in sorrow.

"One one-thousand, two one-thousand..."

Though I don't know why one must count this way,

I do because it makes the thunderstorm go away,

or rather, that's what it seems.

My sorrowful mind begins to find hope again,

and the drowning sadness leaves my chest.

I guess

the storm must be taking it from me to give me rest.

Yes, much needed rest...

But sorrow is a funny thing.

It returns to me the next day

and I cannot concentrate on anything.

My life passes me by, or so I think.

Tonight, I probably won't sleep a wink,

I predict, and I hope for a different outcome.

I remember your words then.

"Talk about it," you said to me once, "and you'll feel better."

I pushed you away though, calling you "insensitive".

Now I ache to voice my thoughts,

tell others my struggles and change my plot

to a better one with happiness at the end

—or at least one where my heart mends.

That night again a sky so gray and dark

purrs with thunder and shakes my heart.

I feel awakened though I don't know why

as all the tears I cried are dry.

I keep contradicting myself,

over and over like a merry-go-round,

although nothing is merry about a cry with no sound.

It hurts to cry now and I want it stop.

My soul aches for another to tell my thoughts.

But I pushed you away...

My phone rings then and I,

hurry to pick it up nearly dropping it from my hands.

It is you.

You are mad, but soon come words of forgiveness.

"I didn't know what to do.

I forgive you.

You don't have to talk. Goodni—"

"Wait!" I shout.

Gripping the phone so hard my hands sweat,

I talk.

At first, I'm afraid, but hearing you listening gives me courage.

My thoughts pour out like the rain from storm clouds.

Someone who understands, I've finally found.

And when I stop, you say,

"I am here."

Oh, how wonderful those words are to my ears.

I cry.

I won't hide.

Not from you or anyone anymore.