50 Shades Of Us

seven

kendall pov.

i wish things were different. that I didn't have to battle my best, well ex best friend for my daughter and the man I love.

I've got everything in the world. but there's one thing I don't have. i don't have justin, eleanor. or the perfect family.

selena has the person family. and that's something I've been trying to find with everyone. with justin. with justin's dad. everyone. but I can't seem to find the one for me.

truth is I don't want eleanor back. she's just a person who's going to block me from everything. I don't want another distraction.

"hey" jake walked up to me. jake is hailey's cousin, he's 28; he work's at bieber Inc actually. he's actually really hot, but we are both here for the businesses

telling an everything that happened in the last 4 years; plus in 2009 was hard. I didn't want him to think i was a psycho and I didn't want to stop fighting everyone. considering that I had a prison record, why wouldn't he think I'm a fucking psycho.

"so, you okay?" he asked, sitting next to me "you seem a little out of it"

i smiled carefully back at him. "i just wish things could go back to where it was. like, justin would be in the picture, but I wasn't trying to get revenge on anyone" I sighed.

that's truly how i felt.

"but, I need to get pride and prejudice against justin and selena. im still getting my revenge no matter what" I told him, trying not to show in hurt.

"do you ever feel like, this isn't it?" he asked. i looked at him with confusion.

"what do you mean?"

“kendall, don't get me wrong, your a great person, but, you torture and kill people for a living. is that the kind of life you want? killing people and blackmailing others who don't really care about you. selena loves you, but she this point; I don't think she cares enough about you to actually fight this battle” he spoke “don't you want to find love, and marry who you want?”

I never thought about marriage and love. after all I kill people, whi would wanna marry me? but, it's not like I've really found a way to find the love of my life. I've spent 10 years fighting for people who really don't care about me anymore, selena did say she doesn't wanna fight. and I'm not going win the battle anyways.  so is this really it?

“um, kendall?” jake got my attention “were going out for pizza, wanna come?” I shook my head.

he nodded and left, living me in a deep wonder about my life. about who I want to be.