A Bolt from the Blue

Chapter 14

Sitting at his desk, Steve was typing some nth report Director Fury has asked for. If there was one thing he had a hard time to appreciate in this new time, that was definitely all this endless -in his opinion pointless- paperwork. Why settle for one when you can get plenty? seemed to be this new millennium's motto. He missed the time when each and every action or decision made in the field didn't need to be explained in a long paragraph. There was a time you could make a call without having to depict it rationally because, for most of the time, it was a gut decision. Battling in the field and putting it into words on a report were two completely different matters which he didn't expect the bureaucrats sitting in their offices to understand.

He printed off the report and quickly skimmed through it as he walked back to his desk. He signed it then he opened the top drawer to reach for his stamp but didn't find it. He pulled the second drawer open and halted at the sight of the large envelop lying there. It seemed like he hadn't seen it in ages although he knew oh too well what was in it -or rather, what wasn't in it. Funny how the past and the regret it always brought along could catch you again at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected places. Funny how his greatest disappointment was now lying at the bottom of a drawer.

He hadn't had a look at the photographs since that day the envelope had been delivered to him and he didn't wish to do it again any time soon. Even if Natalie was nowhere to be seen in all those pictures, they were all haunted by her ghost. He pictured her leaning on each wall, standing in every corner, sitting at every table. The absence of her filled every empty spot in those photographs.

Steve closed the drawer slowly and found the stamp standing by the computer screen but his mind had already started to wander back into the past. Not as far as 1942, but to nearly a year ago, when he was waiting for her file to be sent to him. Time could indeed accomplish miracles; as he put himself back into his own shoes as he was being informed that no data on Natalie could be found, it didn't hurt him as much as it did back then. The burn he had felt at the time was absent now, only the scar it had left tingled him at the memory.

Everything deserved a closure (or a continuation in the best case scenario) and he had been deprived of his, however, he had learned to live with this void inside of him. His only comfort was that he had been fortunate enough to find one with Peggy (who he kept on visiting almost every weekend) and that Bucky had gotten his, too. James was currently planning his trip to Europe to visit his brother's family. Something that made his best friend both thrilled and nervous about.

To fill the void of his greatest unfinished business, Steve put every effort into closing every other part of his past he still had control over. It meant visiting his late companion's families, watching videos of Howard's conferences and catching up with decades of new technologies and scientific discoveries. He reckoned he had been doing pretty fine until two minutes ago when he felt the void crack slightly deeper. The urge to fill it up fast emerged.

As he pressed the stamp on the paper and closed the file, he recalled there was still a matter he had never gotten to finish. Insignificant it would seem now -after so many years- but that still deserved he would look into it (again).

He stood up and left his office promptly, as curiosity and genuine interest slowly rose inside him.

"Agent Hill," he called as he walked into the intel office.

She flipped on her heels and gave him a solemn look. "Captain Rogers."

"I would need you to dig up and find a file for me. Try to gather as much intel as you can."

"You'll have it," she nodded at once. "Who is it about?", she asked. Her question seemed to bring up memories to both of them. Agent Hill seemed determined to fulfill his request this second time around.