A Bolt from the Blue

Chapter 7

"You've got to be kidding me."

Steve was sat on the couch, the temple of his head pressed against his closed fist and his elbow propped on the armrest. He watched quietly as Bucky stared down at him after getting up and blurting out his exasperation at what he had just heard. As it seemed he wouldn't get any more comment, he decided to walk it off around the room. He came back a few seconds later, rubbing his jaw.

"Okay, you gotta confront her on this," he continued.

Steve looked up at him quite apathetically.

"Don't give me this look," Bucky warned. "Clearly, they're related! Make her spill the beans."

Steve shook his head and sighed. "Don't tell me you don't think the same!" Bucky protested. "Shall I remind it all to you?"

He held his forefinger up and proceeded to do the counting -and secondarily dramatize his argument. "They look exactly the same...They have the same mannerism ...They look exactly the same....Their first names start with the same two syllables... They look exactly the same ...Their family names both start with 'r'."

"Yeah well I'm gonna need more than a last name starting with the same letter to call her out on her lies if she denies."

Bucky shrugged. "Fine, I was just trying to make the list longer than it. already. is." He emphasized the last three words. "But I still say the fact her name starts with 'r' is no coincidence," he chimed in.

Steve snorted humorlessly. "I think the whole situation is making you slightly paranoid."

"I think I've been keeping my cool, on the contrary. If it were down to me, I'd say they are the same person and hell with everything else-"

It made Steve twitch as if he had been stung in the ribs. Just the mere thought –the totally illusory and absolutely chimerical concept- of Natalie being somewhat present in this decade physically hurt, first with sheer happiness then with profound disappointment at the quick realization it wasn't even an option.

"-but we both know it's impossible," Bucky continued. "So yeah, I'm actually really taking it easy here."

"It's still too early to confront her or expect her to reveal anything about her past to me," Steve said. "I can't take the risk of getting her back up."

Bucky didn't say a word but his expression did all the talking. He disapproved of Steve's soft modus operandi.

"I don't think Romanoff is the type you can coax," he said nicely but determinedly. "She won't open up to you because you will have given her the time and space. I think she'll appreciate you being honest and frank even better."

Steve was quite doubtful. Although Bucky may have had a point about the right strategy to take with agent Romanoff, he doubted that would be enough to make her crack. She wouldn't disclose a thing even then, he was sure of it. It was part of her training – and with time and practice it certainly winded up being part of her.

Maybe the best way to avoid any more longing from his part was to avoid joining S.H.I.E.L.D. altogether. Working for S.H.I.E.L.D. would mean going on missions with her; spending a significant amount of time together; dwelling on all the beautiful features and characteristics she shared with Natalie. Joining S.H.I.E.L.D. would mean inflicting more pain on himself.

Perhaps, it was best for everyone if he just let go.

This was why he hadn't replied to Director Fury's job offer yet. It was a heavy decision –especially emotionally speaking, which deserved he would take time to ponder on it. Was getting himself in a roller coaster of emotions and forever unanswered questions the best way to fit into this new world? Wasn't keeping his distance the right (and rightful) way to move on? If he stopped seeing agent Romanoff, maybe it would stop his torment? God knows his mind hadn't been able to find rest ever since the moment he had laid eyes on her. Maybe keeping his distance was the solution. Out of sight, out of mind, they said.