Pulsing Rage (Mad Men, #2)

Simula

Simula

The different lights passing through my very eyes as my collarbone protruded with rage. I ran my quivering fingers through my small wavy bangs. I swallowed my temper the same time I breathed in through my nose.

I inhaled silent sporadic breath and let out ragged exhale.

I didn't think I could glower like this...hard. I didn't think that I could be meaner than the rage that could seeped through my hot skin. My eyes started to pain my head. The veins in my neck are palpable. I didn't want to thank anyone or any-what for the darkness inside the car.

Cars are honking awfully on the road. My hands are extremely trembling. My pulse is quickening. Something is against my chest. It is rising and falling heavily. I needed to fidget something. I just kept my left hand aside or held my inner thigh, grasping it mostly. The other free hand is holding my phone which is apparently I want to throw away or the best accomplishment, destroy every bits.

My eyes flashed murderously.

It is disgusting.

He is sordid.

Napapikit ako ng mariin upang pigilan ang traydor na luha. I breathed a deep sigh. I blinked back the tears. I won't shed any dim cry toward him. The rockstar didn't deserve it. No one deserved it. 

I let the sound of the engine occupied my being, the busy road of Magallanes, and the people buzzing with chatters even I am inside his car. But I failed. It kept coming back to the real situation. With him. With the manipulator.

How did I end up being with him, anyway?

How could I fell to this idiot beside me? Did I my brain get tiny after all? How could I let this stupid member of my chest contracted because of him? Pa'no ako humantong sa ganitong sitwasyon? I am not really thinking coherently. 

My stupid heart made me think, it's okay. Even it is not. 

All those warnings and pretensions, I shrugged it off like it is nothing.

My bad, I didn't foresee this...one.

That's why I am so mad because I don't get it, the moment his alluring eyes landed on me, his purpose, his real motivation.

He masked it perfectly.

To ruin my family-my life.

My nostrils flared for God knows the times I want to punch him squarely. But I am prohibiting myself to get in an accident  even I want him to-just him. Siya lamang ang gusto 'kong mapunta sa sitwasyong iyon. I want the public-his fans knew the tragedy he let himself in-a scandal, probably the best fucking choice. A fucking scandal! Yes!

Just like what he did to my family. He destroyed my family because of it, our reputation, my mother's name! He slowly but surely ruin my family-me!

And I will let him know that. I want him to know the rage I have inside my chest. I will let him feel it, suck it probably. Let's see who has the bigger dick here.

"Margaret..." the deep guttural voice called me.

I scoffed. I trained myself first before looking at him. I crossed my arms as if protecting myself to his allure. It won't affect me.

Not this time, devil.

My eyes glowered quickly as I scanned his glimmering features. Tumaas ang isang kilay 'ko at napansin niya kaagad ang reaksyon 'ko. I halted my eyes to rake him fully. He didn't deserve it. My eyes will only set to those worthy. And he is not...not anymore. 

Not this time.

That face is a deceiver. Surely, he swindled people, too. He never exposed his true skin-true color to the industry. Kasi kung ipapakita niya 'yon, wala siyang mararating. You wouldn't make it if you play fairly. That's what I learned from those who survive in their industry. 

That's why, I won't make myself in. Even the doors or the windows are open. Why will I care?

I won't.

I made mistake on trusting him.

I can't...I can't look at him for so long. Rumagaragasa lamang ang emosyon sa dibdib 'ko. It felt like that an unidentified object is sucking the oxygen out of my organs. My lungs are burning in madness. I don't want to physically harm him. But I will have my ways. I just want him to profess the truth right in my face.

"Did you plan it?" I sneered, nose still flaring and eyes still fiery.

Napatawa siya ngunit ang tingin ay sa kalsada pa rin. Like he can't believe what I am saying and portraying right now.

The traffic on the way to MOA Grounds is infuriating the shit out of me. Hell, he is exasperating anyways, wala ng bago sa ngayon. Mas lalo lamang nagsidhi ang inis sa aking loob. I scoffed, too, unbelievably and I want to throw the phone in his face and see his reaction for the action he made!

He fucking ruined my mother's reputation! 

The car halted because it is green light. He needed to thank Satan for that because why not. Because maybe, any seconds, he would be lying on the road and the performance will be postponed.

Wait, is he important? I'd bet not.

His face is not confused or what. So, he knew.

"Okay, asshole, look at this?" Taas noo 'kong inayos ang aking telepono. My fingers almost quaked scrolling on my gallery for the video in my phone. Nang mahanap 'ko ito, pinakita 'ko kaagad sa kanya. I even pressed the play button. High-volumed. "Look what you did?" Hingal na hingal ako sa karampot na salitang iyon.

There, I am hearing it again and I want to throw up my guts and my stances. I cringed.

That my mother was drugged and drunk. And she didn't know what she was doing.

"Look what you've planned all along for the sake of your revenge. Bravo! Galing mo!" My jaw is clenching as so my teeth gritting solidly. "Fucking immature." 

I squared my shoulders. 

I am so messed up.

"Good job, man. You finally got what you wanted," mapait 'kong bitaw. 

"Fashion cops already posted in anywhere in the social media." Tinaas 'ko ang kamay 'ko...like I am defeated for seconds. It felt weird to consider the lost. 

"Mama has scandal, sucking someone's awful cock. Wow, congratulation to you, her name rings again. Happy now?" A lone tear traveled against my right cheek. 

Hirap na hirap akong lumunok upang ituloy ang nararamdaman 'ko. 

"How could you look me? How could you do this to me?" Every word weighed like a ton but I muttered it effectively. I want to shake him quickly to get an answer. 

"Hah, pa'no mo ko kayang tignan pagkatapos mong gawin iyon?" I tapped my thighs, frustrated in multiples times.

My lips quivered. Marahas 'kong pinunasan ang luha sa aking kanang mata. I set my eyes on him for one last time to see the truth in his face. But as expected, he is just looking at me...far away from me like when he was in the stage and I was just in the crowd. That this is just a nothing to him. That he used to it...to never plaster his real pulsing motive.