Sad Little Truths

The Toll

You took a toll on me. You took a toll on my heart and it hasn't been the same since. You showed me that no matter how I felt, I could be loved. That during my darkest times, I could be loved. You showed me that love was always there and I could always count on your love. Your love was like a drug. Your love was like a psychedelic drug and
I couldn't get enough of it. You fueled my world with your love and everything you'd tell me. You gave me the world and I loved you. I loved you for showing me all the good in life. You showed me, that even I could be loved. You fueled my world with positive thoughts about the future, positive plans that we had for our future. You took such a huge toll on me. Little did I know that it would all come crashing down like it did. I was 14... you showed 14 year old me a love that was unimaginable and hard to actually believe I received. You also showed me the sad reality that love can fail. You showed me that even the people who you love the most, can hurt you the most. You showed little 14 year old me, that love wasn't forever. That love, can't be the same without trust. You showed me that I shouldn't always trust everyone and trust people with my feelings. You showed me that, no matter what, in the end all good things come to an end. You took such a toll on me. But how does this effect me today? Well, I can't trust myself to love anyone to my fullest capacity because I feel like it'll all be a lie again. I can't fully understand what I did to deserve the hurt and aching that I have for you. I can't understand why you saw me and decided on your head, that you wanted to target me. This love, this "love" you provided felt SO real, I believed it. I believed and loved you with all my heart. But I guess I can't even trust myself to get in a stable relationship because when everything starts to go my way, the thought of you and all the pain lingers. It lingers and I guess that's why I'm writing this now. Because your thought is still linger and it's been almost 2 years. 2 years since we last talked. 4 years we would've been together but who's counting, right?