Just Passing

8. Close Call

It's Tuesday morning. My laptop is charged, my khakis are pressed, and I've dug my dress shoes out from the bottom of the closet. After my shower, I examine my face in the mirror to make sure I haven't missed any hairs when I shaved. It is tan and smooth and I'm looking rested. Quite a feat for 7 AM.

Tiffany is sitting at the table between the kids. "Are you all packed?"

"Yup, just need to grab my coffee."

"Wish me luck. I haven't been home alone with these two monsters in, like, two months." She widens her eyes in mock fear.

"Be good for Mommy." I waggle my finger. "Actually, I should go to the bathroom one more time before I leave." It's an old habit. Anything to reduce the amount of times I need to enter a public restroom.

A minute later and I'm back by the side door. "Okay," I say, picking up my black messenger bag. "See you guys later."

Nora smiles and waves. What a good girl.

"Daddy! No go, Daddy." Spencer reaches out his buttery fingers towards my crisp clean shirt.

"Hey Spence, remember, Daddy needs to go to work."

"Daddy no go work. No work."

"Remember what Daniel says, Grownups come back," I sing.

"Hug, hug. Daddy, hug. Big hug."

I grab a napkin and wipe his hands. "Ok, big hug. I love you." I lean down and kiss his head and then kiss Nora's.

"See, you are going to miss us."

"Not as much as you're going to miss me." I kiss Tiffany and then open the door. "Love you."

I feel an odd mix of dread and exhilaration sitting down in the driver's seat. The beginning of the new school year always feels like this. I'm not sure which of my colleagues I'll see today. Probably not the principal, Ms. Reid, but a few people from the math department will attend. I wonder what stories they'll have about their summer, and what I should share in return. I'm out of practice speaking with adults.

The training is being held in an administration building a few towns away. I've actually never been there, but am familiar enough with the area that I don't bother with the GPS. After parking in the lot, I double-check the room number that was included in my reminder email, drink the last sip of my coffee, and step out of the car.

I find the large conference room easily and quickly spot Jessica and Steve already sitting at one of the large tables that have been set up. Jessica is the middle school math curriculum coach, and Steve teaches 7th grade math. "Hey, guys, fancy seeing you here," I joke as I sit down in one of the high-backed rolling office chairs. "They really set this place up nice for us, didn't they?"

"You should really try the muffins," Steve says through a bite of muffin. "

"Hey, Xander. How was your summer?" Jessica gives Steve a sidelong glance as she pushes a pile of name tags and markers in my direction.

"Good, good. Yours? Do anything exciting?" I respond while filling out a name tag and unpacking my laptop. I'm ready to engage in the usual polite banter when all of a sudden I see an unexpected face walk through the doors. Her presence is so out of place I literally do a double-take.

Heather Johnson.

She's wearing a v-neck light blue shirt and distressed jeans that cling to her curves. Her dirty-blonde hair is pulled up into a messy bun. And besides a few laugh lines around her ridiculously bright blue eyes, she looks exactly the same as she did in high school.

All of a sudden I can't breathe. And it's not because she's attractive, which she certainly is. Even a happily married man could recognize that. No, it's because I have no idea if she knows that I'm Xander. Does she even know that I use male pronouns? I mean, it's pretty obvious that I'm on testosterone. I think. Fuck, why did I shave this morning?

When was the last time I saw Heather Johnson? Has to be twenty years ago. I remember running into her while home on break from college. We shared a cigarette under an awning and swapped gossip about kids we'd graduated with. Was I even going by Xander at that point? And if I was, is that a detail she'd remember? It's not like we were ever all that close. We're not even FaceBook friends.

Shit. This could be bad.

Jessica is telling me something about a trip to Florida. I haven't heard a word that she's said.

"Florida? That must be why you're looking so tan! Can't wait to hear more, but I think I should take Steve's advice and grab a muffin before this thing gets started."

I stroll over to the breakfast table as calm and cool as I can muster. And then I turn my head in Heather's direction and fake a look of surprise. "Oh my god, is that you, Heather? It's Xander, from high school." I point to my name tag and repeat, "Xander." Not subtle, I know, but what else can I do?

"Xander?" She pauses a second and then a huge grin spreads across her face. "Xander, I didn't know you'd moved up here."

"Yeah, after college. I didn't expect to stay, but I own a home now, so guess I'm stuck." I laugh. "Plus my wife's from around here, so, you know. Anyway, what about you?"

"Oh, I've only been here a couple years. I'm actually just starting a new job: 8th grade math teacher. Thought I'd get the year started early, dig into the curriculum a bit."

"Congrats on the new job. What school?" Please not where I work; please not where I work.

"Kennedy Middle School."

"Excellent. I've heard great things about their principal." I feel some small relief. I mean, it should've been obvious she wasn't hired by my principal. As a curriculum coach I would've been on the hiring committee. But, living so far from where I grew up, I'm not used to being confronted by my past. Just this short exchange is making my brain misfire. I definitely don't think I'd be able to handle running into my past every day in the hallway.

"Oh, totally. She's great."

"Are your new colleagues here?" Please say yes; please say yes. I really don't want to risk the awkwardness of an accidental pronoun slipup.

"No. Or at least I don't think so. I signed up on my own. But I'm so happy to have run into someone I know! Where are you sitting? Can I join you?"

"Of course! Right over here. Let me introduce you to Steve and Jessica." I gesture towards my seat.

Shit. This could be bad.