T h i r s t

n i n e t e e n

I heard footsteps behind me as I was checking on Gary's monitor. They were heavy and familiar. I didn't move, although my back straightened up unconsciously.

Kathy looked in the doorway and then to me. I could hear him hesitate.

"How-how's he doing?" He finally asked. I stayed calm, pretending to read through his file. I couldn't comprehend a single word. Kathy tried to get my attention, but when I wouldn't give it to her, she answered on my behalf.

"He's stable, sir. The surgery was a success. Dr. Meyers got every last pellet out."

"I'm sure she did. He's in good hands, huh Kathy?"

"Oh, careful, Ryan. I think she's too young for you." I chuckled ominously, setting the file down. I could apologise to Kathy later. I had to sneak one in.

I heard him sigh and shift. "Ok, I deserved that."

Damn right you did!

I clenched my teeth instead.

"But, seriously, how are you doing, Lo?" He continued in that demure, pathetic tone.

"None of your fucking business." I forced a smile, leant against the nightstand with my arms crossed.

He sighed, and I knew that pissed him off. Good. He glanced awkwardly at Kathy, who wouldn't even look up anymore.

"Can we talk somewhere private?"

"I'll just go." She squealed and headed for the door.

"No you won't." I warned sternly and she froze in place, heading back to the couch.

"I think you're scaring her, kitten."

"Don't call me that." I said through clenched teeth, going up to him. "Let me make something very clear. I am only here in my capacity as a doctor. I will not entertain any sort of questions or whatever bullshit you have prepared."

"Are you wearing the perfume I got you?" He whispered, leaning in and inhaling. I recoiled and took a big step back.

"No." I lied blatantly, trying to hold his eyes so he wouldn't notice the necklace too.

"You smell like heaven." He smirked, and I threw a quick glance to Kathy, who was turned in the opposite direction. Thank God for that.

"I-I . . " I stammered, trying to think of what to say. How did he make me flustered so easily? I cursed at him for Pete's sake!

He smiled at my ability to become a dysfunctional imbecile and came closer and whispered, "You look good."

I stared up at him, and I could feel my breaths get shallow and my heart beat faster.

"I'll see you after work? Just to talk."

I cleared my throat. "About what?"

"Just to catch up."

"I hate you. There. You're all caught up."

He smiled exactly how he did when I was angry and he thought it was 'cute'. He took a step closer, but I held my ground. He didn't intimidate me. Atleast, I had to put on a show that he didn't.

"Is that why you're still wearing that necklace?" He whispered, tapping his fingertip against my neck. I'm not one to exaggerate. But it burned.

"I'll wait right here." He smiled and took a seat at the couch, going through a magazine as he whistled. I had to tell my muscles to move, and they did, wobbly and awkwardly.

I trudged away, touching my neck to see if it wasn't actually on fire. Then why did it burn?

No, no, no. I couldn't let this happen again. Remember what all he said! Remember how bad he'd hurt you!

I told myself as I rubbed my neck, feeling his finger touch me again, licking my lips. No. Stop it.

Flashes came back to me. Only the highlights. The way he took care of me when I fell sick. The way he picked me up every night even after I fought off a mugger. The way his tongue moved.

Oh, God.

That turbulence deep in my belly was back, the one I never had even when I self abused. To be fair, I shouldn't have thought of him when I touched myself since the last 4 years.

No, no, no. Absolutely not. Stop. Shut it down. He doesn't love you and he never did. You are not going to 'talk' to him to 'catch up'. It's only a path to more pain. Remember the pain. Remember how much he hurt you.

"Dr. Meyers?"

I shuddered and found that I was leaning against the vending machine. "Yeah? Yes. Uh yes, Kathy?" I cleared my throat, trying to subtly compose myself.

"Dr. Clarke asked if she could use your office for an consultation?"

"Sure." I shrugged and Kathy turned around to nod a nurse down the hall. "You could work out of Dr. Martinez's old office--"

"No, I can still use mine. When Cindy means consultation, she means with the bed." I smiled, remembering how many times she found excuses to crash in the bed I kept in my office.

"Oh." She grinned innocently and turned to leave.

"Hey, Kathy? I wanted to apologise for that comment I passed earlier?"

"What comment?" She smiled.

"With Ry-uh . . . with the other police officer just now?"

She shrugged, still smiling.

"When I said you're too young for him? I didn't mean to drag you into it." I chuckled awkwardly.

"I thought you were protecting me."

"I . . . was." I blinked. Then added a smile to match hers. Why was this girl always so damn cheerful?

"Great. Thanks, Dr. Meyers!" She said, turning to walk away.

"Kathy, another thing."

She hung back.

"Is the detective uh . . . still there?"

"The one you operated on or the one who was flirting with you?"

"The second--he wasn't flirting with me."

"Oh, yes, he was." She chuckled. "I could never tell when someone was flirting with me before, but now I've gotten really good at it. I didn't hear much of it, though."

"Good, because it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter!" She rolled her eyes, blowing raspberries. "Men are dogs, right?" She chuckled gleefully, resting her fists on her hips. She was weird sometimes.

"Sure." I smiled and pretended to get myself something from the vending machine so she would leave. And then I didn't know what to do.

Yes, you do.

I stomach rumbled but I would sooner die that go to town on one of the sodium soaked snacks in the vending machines. But going to the commissary meant passing the room he was in. But it wasn't like I was doing it to see him. I was hungry.

Or thirsty?

I rolled my eyes at the turn of my own thoughts and started off down the hallway, my hands in fists. My pace slowed when it was in my vision and I stopped entirely when I saw him sat by Gary with his head down. He seemed to be talking to him. I smiled and watched him longer as he stood up to take off his bulky jacket.

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P.S. : Super fluffy chapter coming up. Followed by something frisky ;) Stay tuned!