T h i r s t

t w e n t y e i g h t

Lord Huron was playing in the background as we breathed quietly. He had his arm wrapped around me and his nose nuzzled into the crook of my neck.

"I've missed this." He sighed for the hundredth time and I let out a generic sound of approval. I wasn't walking into this again.

It was so quiet that we could hear his phone vibrate in his pants on the floor.

"You're not gonna get that?"

"I'm too comfy." He kissed my neck and pulled me closer.

"It could be important."

"I don't care."

"Ryan." I chided, and he chuckled, getting up to take the call. I took the opportunity to visit the bathroom and clean myself up. I had to pick up pills on the way back. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I looked weary. I forced a smile, pinching my cheeks to bring some colour, but I looked so tired. Was I really going to do this?

Yes.

I sighed and opened the bathroom door, and he was standing there. He smiled and kissed my forehead, brushing past me inside. At the soft click of the door, I gathered my clothes and put them on, stopping the music and shoving the phone into my pocket.

"Hey, sweetheart are you hungry? I finally taught myself how to make--" He froze in the doorway, and I did too for a moment at the endearment. He'd never called me that before.

"What--I thought your shift's over--"

"It is. I'm going home." I said, looking at my phone when it pinged. "Uber's five minutes away."

"I don't understand--You're not staying?" He frowned, walking up to me.

"No." I sighed and looked away from his face. He looked hurt.

"Why--Did I say something?"

"No. This is how I want it to be." I licked my lips. "I thought about what you said about a mutual relationship and I'm putting that on the table."

He was still lost.

"I'm only interested in a sexual relationship with you, Ryan. Kind of like no strings attached."

He opened his mouth, his frown growing deeper as his eyes turned moist.

Stay strong.

"Lo, I'm ready to do anything you want me to. I want to--"

"I've thought about it and this is what I want, Ryan. It's the only thing we're good at and I wanna capitalise on it."

"You used to hate capitalism."

"And I used to love you." I swallowed.

"Lo, if this is just about getting back at me--"

"It's not. I'm just telling you how I feel, Ryan. I've exhausted everything I had into our relationship and you didn't reciprocate. I've missed you and I want you in my life but in another way. I can't go through that again."

"But I've changed." He pleaded. "Just give me another chance, baby, I'll make it up to you--"

"Uber's here." I used the opportunity to turn away and catch my breath. I headed for the door and grabbed my jacket, and he was on my heels.

"I've shared the cab details with you."

"I could drop you off--"

"No, I don't want you to. I don't want us to have any sort of relationship beyond the sheets. These are my terms. Text me if you accept. Or don't. Good night."

I closed the door behind me.

I didn't look back.

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