Help~Sincerely Three (a Dear Evan Hansen fanfiction) COMPLETED

Chapter Four- Mixed Signals

It's been a week since I got here, and I've come to not mind it. Yes, I'd rather go back to having all my rights, but this is okay too. I don't get much sleep, but neither does anybody else, and that's fine. Zoe called me once. I said that I was doing okay. I've been learning a lot about Jared and Evan. We're all getting pretty close.

Now, we're all sitting on a couch in the 'living room' (or at least that's what everybody else calls it) just talking. We were given an hour to do whatever we want, so what's better than socializing? Mid-way through our conversation, Jared suddenly stops talking. He looks around the room.

"Psst, guys." He whispers, pulling something from out of his pocket. I hope it's drugs. I look down and see that he's holding a phone. "I'm saving the battery, so be quick." I grab it from him, adding my number to his contact list. I'm not even going to ask what he did to get this thing into the building. I pass the phone to Evan, who does the same, before handing it back to Jared.

We hear a scream from the next room. Evan flinches, and Jared sits up, his eyes wide. Kind of like when a guard dog is home alone and hears the smallest noise outside, but cuter.

Connor, stop with the gay thoughts. I think to myself, and I can feel my face heat up. Jared leans over, trying to catch a glimpse of what's happening. He doesn't have to, though, because seconds later, Turner is running around the room, screaming bloody murder at three nurses that are chasing him. A few other people are in the room, and we all give them the same look. The nurses finally catch Turner and hold him to the ground. Jared knows what's up. I can tell that he's holding back laughter. Evan's eyes are wide. I turn my attention back to Turner, and yup, as you can guess, they have a needle straight in his cheek. And I don't mean the one on his face.

I see Jared and Evan lock eyes. Jared's gaze is smug, and Evan's is... I don't know. Evan is kind of hard to figure out. With Jared, you could give him one glance and know exactly what he's feeling, or at least what he wants you to think he's feeling. Evan is different, though. He's not very good at hiding his emotions, and he has a lot of them. You can't tell what he's thinking, because he's always thinking millions of things at once. It's always mixed signals.

Listen, I know what you're thinking. And the answer is yes. Yes, I have feelings for them. Yes, I think that they're adorable. I think that they're sweet, and caring, and amazing in every single way.

But would I ever date them?

No, wait, let me rephrase that. Could I ever date them? No.

For one, I've only known them for a week. And once we get out of here, will they ever talk to me again? Probably not. Once I get out of here, I'll be alone again. I'll wait one more year until I can 'move out'- which actually means running away legally- and then I'll finally go through with it. All the way. It's not like anybody would care. The only people who care about me are my parents. I wish they didn't. I tell myself every night, 'they don't care about you, Connor', but they do, I know that they do, and it makes the whole wanting to die thing a lot harder.

Another flaw, it's weird to feel like this towards more than one person. There are so many things that prevent us from ever being together, and I don't mean on the outside. In order to date them, we'd all have to have feelings towards each other. I'm not having two boyfriends if we're not all dating, sorry. Plus, why would they ever like me anyways? Why am I even thinking about this?

"Yo, Connor. We're going to lunch, are you okay?" Jared asks. His stare is soft.

"I'm fine, why?"

"Your eyes are sweating." He says, and I quickly wipe them.

"Allergies." He shrugs. I stand up, and he, Evan and I walk to the cafeteria. They're serving macaroni and cheese tonight, which I'm completely fine with. We sit down, and all start eating. Even Evan. He looks a lot better since I got here, and I'm proud of him. I can tell that he's getting more sleep. I have no idea how Jared is doing. Sometimes I hear him crying at night, but it never lasts long and he's always fine in the morning. No way I'm going to talk to him about it; he would freak.

"Connor, you're pretty out of it today," Evan says, and my head snaps up.

"I know. I'm fine, just tired."

"Connor, we're in a mental ward. I think we all know first hand that 'I'm fine' does not mean that you're fine." Jared presses, and I sigh, taking another bite of my food. It's not as bad as the pancakes were that first day, but it's not exactly good either.

"I'm okay, really," I say. Jared gives me an unsure look, and just to prove my words, I give him a small smile. He doesn't look convinced. Neither does Evan. Oh well.