Help~Sincerely Three (a Dear Evan Hansen fanfiction) COMPLETED

Chapter Twenty-Until Then

Evan:

Mom's bringing Connor and Jared in so that I can say goodbye before I leave.

Both Connor and Jared.

Is he coming to break up with me?

Are they both breaking up with me?

Maybe they're so pissed off that I'm still alive that they're just going to stop pretending and break it off.

The thought makes my breathing start to grow uneven, and my heart beats faster in my chest.

They're going to break up with me.

Connor:

I hold Jared's hand as we drive to the hospital. He's so delicate. He wasn't like this at all before, or he at least didn't show it. I feel like I can break him if I hold him a bit too tight or move too fast. He's so close to breaking down into tears that his lips are currently violently shaking.

"He'll be okay." I keep saying it, but do I really believe it? Kind of. But kind of isn't a 'yes', either.

Yes, Heidi told us that he's going back. I feel awful for him. He was in there for way too long before, and now he's going back? By himself?

What if he meets some other more attractive guy or girl and falls in love with them and-

No, that won't happen. It won't happen. He'll come back, and we'll all be fine again.

Perfectly fine.

Jared leans into my chest, and I calmly begin to stroke his hair, paying all of my attenation to the way he breathes.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, and he's so quiet that I can just barely hear him.

"It's okay. You're okay."

"You're not."

"I was never okay." He nuzzled his face deeper into my chest, taking a deep breath.

"I want you to be."

Six minutes and twenty-eight seconds later, we pull up into the crowded hospital parking lot. Heidi lets us go in first, saying that she needs a moment to recollect herself. Really, I think she just wants to give us some time alone.

It's hard to let Jared go, especially because I haven't hugged him like that in what feels like forever. I didn't realize how much I actually missed him until I actually saw him again. I walk up to the front desk, exhaling.

"We're here to see Evan Hansen."

"Family only, please." The lady says, raising her eyebrows.

"We're his cousins."

"Sorry, kid. I know for a fact that Heidi's an only child." I groan, sideways glancing at Jared, who looks pissed.

"You can let them in." We both (simultaneously, look how fucking gay we are) spin around to face Heidi, who looks like she ran in at full speed. To be fair, she most likely did.

"Are you sure?" The lady asks, frowning. Heidi nods.

"Yes, they're with me."

"Okay, then. He's in two-forty." The lady says, biting her lip. Jared raises his eyebrows.

"You know what that mea-"

"Not the time, Jare." I say, but can't help but smile a bit as we walk onto the elevator.

"Ooo, look at us." Jared coos, smirking as the elevator doors close. "Just two gay guys in an elevator. You know, I could give you a different kind of booty juice~"

He's joking around, Connor. Don't blush. Don'tblushdon'tblushdon'tblU- shit. You're blushing. StOP BLUSHING JESUS CHRIST.

I frown, rolling my eyes. He giggles as the doors open, pressing a quick kiss on my lips.

"Asshole." I hiss, hitting him on the shoulder as we speed-walk down the hallway.

"Two-fourty-two, two-fourty-one," Jared mutters, reading off the numbers above the doors as we pass them. "Two-forty."

°°°

"Two-forty."

That's what I heard before he entered the room.

When he saw me over here, all pathetic-looking and huddled in yh3 corner, it was deer in headlights.

He's just standing there, looking at me. I'm not even sure if he's breathing.

"Are you... Okay?" I ask, almost five full minutes into the heart-wrenching silence. Connor's standing in the back of the room, but I'm too focused on the fact that Jared's standing in front of me to actually pay attention to him.

"You're asking if I'm okay?" He asks, his voice cracking several times.

For you, it's only been, what, five chapters since I've properly talked to him? Yeah, for me, it feels like five years. Beat that.

"Yes I'm asking if you're okay!" I say- well, I meant to say it, but it actually comes out as a raw yell. Tears are definitely falling now, from both me and Jared.

"I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

I don't forgive him. Not one little bit. But I still love him. I love him so fucking much.

"You shouldn't."

"I know that."

He pauses, moving over and sitting next to me, resting his head on my shoulder. My heart speeds up in my chest, and my throat practically burns.

"Calling you like that was just really stupid and I probably stressed you the fuck out and I didn't want to keep doing that to either of you so-"

"You just ignored us in total?" I mumble, playing with his hand. He nods.

"I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

Now, I really do forgive him. I one hundred and one percent completely forgive him. How could I not?

"I don't know what we would have done if you didn't make it." He says, wiping a stray tear from my eye, even though he's crying too.

"You would have moved on with your lives?"

"Hell no we wouldn't have." Connor interjects, sitting on my other side. One of his palms is covered with a band-aid. "How could we just go on with our lives if you died?"

"Pretty easily."

"That's bull." Jared scoffs.

"What happened to your hand?" I ask, nudging Connor. He shrugs.

"They're making you go back?" Jared asks, linking my arm in his own. I nod. "When?"

"My mom should be signing the papers by now, so... I'd say later on tonight."

"Well, we're not going anywhere." Connor says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

I love them.

"We'll be right here when you get out." Jared grins.

I fucking love them so much.

"And we'll visit whenever we can," Connor adds on, smiling through his own tears.

Yeah, we're all pretty suicidal.

We all need help.

But that doesn't mean that we can't be head over heels (and very, very gay) for each other.

~Fin~