My Confused Heart ♡

Nothing is Perfect

  I threw my satchel across my shoulders, checked that my phone and keys are inside and ran down the stairs. Heading out the front door, I said to my mom what I say everyday: "InshaaAllaah see you by Maghrib (sunset) Mom. Call me if you need me." I heard her reply fainting as I head down the road to Seekers' Garden, the Islamic afternoon school. I work officially as the secretary there but the kids adore me so I end up in the classroom more than the office. Being assistant to kids under 8 years old is the most amazing feeling ever alhamdulillaah!

   As I crossed the main road,  a motorcycle zoomed past behind me. I quickly turned around in hope of catching a glimpse of Ziyaad. I know it's utterly wrong yet it feels so right. He might not be the most handsome hot guy out there but I have never met anyone with better character than him.  Ziyaad is known all over our town for his politeness and helping hand. He is forever running errands for everybody, in his free time. Being that we live a street apart, I tend to think he is even more caring to me. Not to mention intelligent! He an engineer at the really famous Mark&Jacob Engineering. Charming is an understatement. 

  My thoughts drifted to my relationship with Ziyaad. Growing up with him, he has always taken me as his little sister. Helping me out with homework, bringing a smile on my face after wiping my tears (from falling and scraping my knee to issues in high school), having sleepovers and playing board games. The memories are too many. We became really good friends after we started confiding in each other.

  I recall very clearly when he would tell me his dilemma of two girls liking him and who to chose from. At that time I knew not why I didn't like the situation so much but still my greater concern was to help him out. He would tell me about his dates. I was his support when his father left his mother. And vice versa, he has always been here for me. But only recently I realized why I wasn't pleased with hearing his girlfriend problems: cuz a jealousy burnt inside me. A longing for him swept over me as I pushed the school gate open. Does he love me the same? Does he feel shy to divulge it? Will I lose him if I tell him or if I don't tell him? ...

  My thoughts became muffled by the children's laughter as they ran to jump on me. I just love how they make me forget all my worries! Alhamdulillaah!