My Confused Heart ♡

Torment...

  Celeste?...Celeste, she's a secretary at Ziyaad's work whom had a crush on him. Why would they say she's jealous of me?!

  Is it possible that Ziyaad likes me too, which would make her jealous! Or is it he is with him and she'd be jealous that another girl is coming over to his house?!

  Argh!!! I can't think anymore...

" Assalaamualaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh Kala Nasreen!, I said cheerfully, how have you been keeping?"

  She beamed at me, replying: " Quite well alhamdulillaah! ....oh my! Such a lovely young lady you've grown into!"

I smiled shyly. It really has been very long since I met her. Especially cuz I was studying on the other side of the country,  when I'd get home on holidays, I didn't get the chance to meet with her.

Kala placed the steaming pot in the middle of the table and sat right across from me and mom. Mr. Charming made his entrance and left me catching my breath when he took his seat next to me. "So, Zia.." he started.  He's the only one that ever calls me that and he wasn't even shy infront of my mom and his mom! ♡ "...How's the new job been?"

  "Shazia's been loving it! ", My mom answered before I could. The conversation went on between the two mothers and Ziyaad. I sighed realizing that wearing hijaab is such! He glanced my way and gave a supportive smile. It felt like he understood me so much...how could he not know I'm dying to answer him, after all we've been too close in tohe past.

  I played with my food as Ziyaad made everyone laugh and made dinner a nice one. Occasionally though, he would take out his phone due to a message coming in,  which would bring such a smile on his face. Then he'd reply it and chuckle to himself. He would also turn to look at me times and again. I was wondering what he could possibly be up to when Kala took a spoon of the new achaar (a type of spicy side food) and placed it in my plate before I could refuse: "You have to try this one darling! It's absolutely divine." "Hmmm...I'm not a fan of spicy and hot Kala...". I looked at her and took a bite.

  It was way too strong! The tears welled in my eyes before I could make out what I'm eating. It stung my throat and my hands flew to my neck. My ears burnt on the inside. And I was gagging before I knew it.

 

  Ziyaad got up quickly and held his glass of water infront of me. Everything started becoming black...I realized I was applying pressure to my own neck. I released my hands and heard him calling me the sweetest of names : sweetheart, darling, baby,...urging me to drink. I completely forgot about where I was and the mothers being around. The words spilled out of my mouth: "My love. Ziyaad my heart beats with love for you. I get lost in your eyes and your scent is all I search for every minute! " I couldn't believe what I just said. How could I?  His eyes darkened. He clearly didn't feel the same way. I felt the water against my face as he threw his glass towards me and his voice echoed: "Are you crazy Zia?!! Do you want to lose our friendship?!!!!"

  I blinked in shock. And I realized that was all a scene in my head. Yes, my throat was scorching from the achaar. And yes, here was Ziyaad holding up his glass of water to me. But there was no sweet name calling nor me blabbering nonsense.

  I took the glass gratefully and thanked Allaah that that was all in my head. Shukr alhamdulillaah!  I gulped down the water, finished my food and told my mom I had a long day.

  Ziyaad asked if something was wrong but I brushed off his question, nodded that I was alright.  He frowned and I knew he could still read my eyes. I stared back in his black eyes and got lost in it. My mom called out to not forget my purse and that she's waiting for me outside.

  I greeted good night to all and thanked Kala Nasreen for the lovely dinner.

  I walked home in silent. My thoughts were very loud though. You can't risk losing him. Telling him you have feelings for him will only make him avoid you. C'mon Shaz, keep him as a friend...you can't have more than that...plus it seems like he has someone else in his life...

Without even removing ny hijaab, I jumped on my bed and opened my laptop. I have to do something to remove Ziyaad from my thoughts! I clicked accept on Hamza's friend request.

  A huge grin came on my face when I saw him online. The grin became bigger when my screen flashed with Hamza making salaam.