More than a student (Supercorp)

Four

"I'm not Winn," the voice is strangely warm and unrecognisable; I feel my heart rate peek as the hand never leaves my back, "Winn said that he'll see you tomorrow as he has somewhere to be."

Oh yeah; his computer class thingy.

I still don't move. My face is on fire and I can't breath properly, becoming drowned in my own emotions.

"Kara, are you alright?" Miss Luthor (?) asks, voice coaxed. I remain silent, not wanting to make a fool out of myself, busying myself with trying to wipe my face instead. I don't need sympathy, pity or comfort, especially not from my teacher. A sudden urge to run away washes over me. Back home. By myself. All alone.

Mike was my first and only relationship here on earth, first person I had cared about outside of close friends and family. I had never expected to feel pain here, as long as I was under a yellow sun, it was said I would be fine. But somehow, as an unsettling ache thrums through my body, I begin to realise that maybe the yellow sun only protects physical pain on the outside, leaving the inside completely vulnerable.

She pushes again, "what's wrong?" and I feel lame sitting here, still in the classroom, still with my teacher. If only I had left earlier. "I'm not a monster you know, you can talk to me if something is bothering you."

There's a slight tilt to her voice that I can't quite get a grasp of. She sounds almost amused yet extremely patient, emitting some sort of tranquillising endorphins, my pain subtly easing, breathing steadying. What is happening?

Giving up and feeling like all hope in trying to hide my state from her is lost, I finally lift my head from the desk. My eyes are stinging and red around the edges, tears now dry and wiped clean. Embarrassment bleeds into my cheeks, staining them pink and warm.

Miss Luthor takes her hand from my back, pulling up an unnecessary chair to take a seat beside me.

"I'm fine." I lie, a bit too harshly than intended, folding my hands in my lap.

"I'll leave you to go, if that's what you want," Miss Luthor says uneasily, "but just know, I'm always here if you need to talk."

I nod a quiet, "thanks," finding my head dipping as a breathy sigh leaves my lips. Why does she care? Maybe it's because she's my teacher and it's her literal job to care. Or maybe it's because she was friends with Alex, but surely that can't mean anything anymore, right?

I scoot the chair back, internally wincing at the shrill sound of wood scraping against metal. Picking my bag up, I sweep my belongings inside, swinging it over my shoulder and, overwhelmed with a heavy sense of awkwardness, I speed walk out of the classroom without looking back.

If Miss Luthor bids me a "goodbye," on the way out, I pretend not to noice and suffer the consequences of my actions on the walk back home. The consequences consist of an uncomfortable swelling of guilt in my gut; she had been nothing but kind to me and I had been downright rude. I mentally add that encounter to a list of things I want to bury deep down into my mind forever, but can't seem to suppress it enough. It keeps popping back up to the surface.

It shouldn't affect me as much as it is. It shouldn't, but it does. Her kind words encased in her warming voice, soft eyes that dampened in concern, the feeling of her delicate hand against my back, somewhat soothing. What?

My thoughts dissipate like bubbles being popped. I pull the bag from my back, fishing out my house key from the front pocket. I was rude, so rude to her; all she wanted to do was help. I slot the key into the lock, twist, and pull it open.

The bag is abandoned on the floor during my trek to the couch, slumping down across it in a lump of limbs. The heat of the day bears down upon me, whole body turning to lead in response. I lay there, gazing up at the plain ceiling, deadpanned.

I give up my wallowing moments later, finding the TV remote and switching it on. I contemplate texting Alex about it, but she doesn't need that sort of burden right now. Winn gets a bit intense after his IT extracurricular and usually starts talking in 'computer' afterwards, so he's off the table too. Sam works after school most days and James usually has to pick up his younger cousin from school at this time, so both of them are a no as well.

Instead of thinking it through, I open our chat room and simply end it with him. I don't tell him why, I don't give him the benefit of the doubt, he doesn't deserve it. After that, I block him. Simple, right?

As I lay there, listening to the sounds of an old rerun of a game show, I find my mind drifting off to other things. Maybe I'll just order a pizza and head to bed? Or maybe being left with my thoughts to try and drift off would become problematic. Still unsure, I open the pizza app on my phone.