Ruminate

A Gifted Curse

Time.

One of the five languages of love.
Time is a special thing. In this constantly moving world, time is precious. Time is expensive. Time is everything: a gift and a curse.

I am surrounded by those I love. I have a trusting heart and I open it up to anyone I find worthy of seeing it. A gift.

But a vulnerable heart gives easy access to pain. A curse.

I love too easily, it seems. And in a world of hate, this is a gift. I love strangers. I love friends. I love those that I hated moments before. I love people. I love how incredibly passionate and talented they are. I love how intricate their actions are. I love how every detail of their movements means something. I love people, and it's a wonderful gift.

I love how flawed people are. I love the journey we all take: so different, yet so similar. United in our diversity. I love that our struggles make us stronger. I love that pain can bring two people together in such a beautiful way. I love the complexities of the human mind, perhaps too much. A curse-- a beautiful, wonderful, hideous curse.

I hurt for others. I cry for them. I care for them. I love them.

Does this make me cursed?

Is my love too easily attached to? Am I too helpful? Have I too many friends? Does my love only cause pain? Is my gift only a curse in disguise?

I have such a small amount of time, yet so many to love. So many to spend time with. It is a gift, yes, but also a curse.

Time and time again.
"You blow me off"
"I am not important enough"
"You don't even try"

I do. I do try. I love so much that I forget to show it to those who are most important. I have lost so many friends to this curse. But I have loved so many.

Simply because I try to love too much.
Is this a curse or a gift?

~

Because I love others doesn't mean I don't love you.
But because I love you, I shouldn't give up loving myself.

I went so long giving my love to others without showing myself any. I just recently learned the importance of showing myself love. But whenever I do, I am selfish.
Whenever I don't, I am sick.

How do I keep everyone happy? Do I give into this curse? Do I share my gift?
How do I care for myself while keeping those I love satisfied, knowing that I care about them?

Must I keep my love locked up to avoid being the cause of pain?
Must I break my own heart trying to keep myself happy?

Must I tear myself apart in order to keep my loved ones together?

Perhaps that is it.

A gift to those I deem important.
A curse to she I deem not.