Not good enough

Part 3

A few days later Sarah strolls through the house late at night. She gets herself a glass of water and trots back to her bedroom, where she sits down on the floor, leaning against the wall.

She closes her eyes. She is having those nightmares again.

And she feels empty, and afraid, afraid of what may come.

Suddenly her door opens and Ben walks in. He´s wearing boxers and a shirt, sleep in his eyes, his hair tousled. Without saying a word, he sits down next to Sarah.

“Can´t sleep?”

He smiles at her, trying to cheer her up a bit. She shakes her head and pulls her knees close to her body. For a few minutes they don´t say a word. Ben knows what Sarah is struggling with. But he doesn´t want to put any more pressure on her. She´ll tell him if she needs him. She rests her head on his shoulder and Ben puts his arm around her.

“Hey… everything´s okay. I am here…” he whispers.

“I am having those nightmares again” she finally admits.

“You know you´re safe Sarah… he can´t hurt you anymore.”

She remembers the nights that she and Ben spent together. Talking, laughing, making love… she misses those times. But she knows that it´s over. She knows that Ben deserves better. When at the same time she knows, should he find someone that loves him the way he deserves it, it would break her heart.

++++++++++

Finally the first day of the shooting is here. Sarah takes a look around on set. All these people, working hard to make her movie come true, being professional and yet having a great time… she loves being here, when at the same time she is afraid of all these people. All the small roles she played were great, but nothing compared to this. Nothing.

They are shooting a very emotional scene with her. And damn, she is good.

She feels a single tear running down her face, not only because of all these emotions, but because of her and Ben and all they went through. And again, she is afraid of never being able to let someone into her heart.  Once the scene is over, Sarah heads to her trailer.

“You were great” Chris tells her.

“Thanks” she says, trying to fake a smile and hurries to get away. Chris looks after her, wondering if she was okay. Maybe being part of such a big production for the first time was a bit too much for her.

“Hey, wow, that was amazing!” Ben runs over to Chris and shakes his hand.

“It was, dude. She is really great” Chris taps his soulder.

“We´ll see you and the others in a bit, ok, we’re done for today” he says with a wink.

“Of course… we’re in!” Ben tells him and heads to the trailers. “Sarah?” She´s not in her trailer. But he sees her purse on the table. He takes a look outside, closes the door halfway and opens the purse.

He knows he shouldn´t stick his nose into her personal belongings, but he also knows that this movie may be a bit too much for Sarah to take. He cares so much for her and he´s afraid of losing her …

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Ben spins around and looks at Sarah, standing in the door. He still feels so much for her and it would tear his heart apart to see her suffering.

“I am sorry babe. I was just worried about you…” He walks towards her, trying to give her a hug. Sarah smacks his hands away.

“You have no fucking right to search my purse, what are you thinking? I am old enough to know what I am doing, okay, I don´t need a babysitter, you hear me?” she yells and grabs her purse. Ben is just about to reply something, as Tom walks in.

“Guys, please… what is going on here?” he asks with an angry look on his face.

“Nothing!” Sarah snaps back.

Tom points at her. “Listen Sarah, and you too Ben. This is a great chance for all of us, okay? Would you please try to forget your personal issues for those few weeks? You think that´s possible? We worked so hard, so please, let us just enjoy this experience without all the drama we had! You know I love you guys, but god, grow up!”

“Shut up, okay?” Sarah bawls at him. “I know that! You better tell Ben this, he´s the one acting like an ass here!” With that said she leaves the trailer and slams the door. Ben sighs and sits down. “Damn, what happened?” Tom asks him. “I don´t know… I searched her purse, I´m just afraid… I know her! This all here really could be too much for her to take.”

Tom takes a seat next to Ben. “Dude, I know that you two are very close.. we all know.. but damn, you gotta let her go… she´s got to lead her life alone. She´s grown up. And she is a smart girl. I am sure she won´t screw this up.” He taps Bens shoulder.  “Let´s hope so.”

Sarah storms away from the trailers – and bumps into Chris. “Hey… slow down girl...” he laughs. When he sees the look on Sarahs face, his smile disappears. She´s got tears in her eyes.

“Are you okay?” He puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Yeah, I am sorry, it´s just... Ben is such an idiot sometimes, I… I don´t know. I am sorry.”

She feels embarrassed. No one should see her like that, no one needs to know about the troubles she and Ben are having. And she wants to be professional.

“Hey, calm down…” Chris tells her and again, her eyes fascinate him. He doesn´t know why, but he feels the urge to comfort her.

“Hey, you know what? Why don’t you drive to the restaurant with me? Think your big brothers will have a problem with that?”

Sarah smiles. She likes the thought of getting a bit away from Ben right now. And to pay him back what he just did. Seeing her with a handsome guy will sure do the job.

“Sure, why not. Just let me get my stuff.”