Not good enough

Part 7

“Why did you do that?” He sounds disappointed. Just when he thought that there is at least a little spark of hope, that everything could turn out to be good again, she does this. He grabs her and looks into her eyes. “Why are you doing this? You are killing yourself, you know that? You are destroying everything with that!”

“God Ben… you have no idea… why don´t you just leave me alone!” She pushes him away. Ben stares at her. “Damn Sarah, I thought you were over it… I thought we finally got through that shit…”

“WE? What do you mean, WE? It´s my life, okay, I can do whatever the fuck I want… you have no idea how I feel… you knew that this movie would be such a pressure for me, and what are you doing? Grabbing yourself some stupid bitch and leaving me all alone?“  She stares at him. Ben grabs her hand and pulls her down on the bed. “Baby… you know that you are special to me… but what we had just didn´t work out… and I thought you liked Chris” he whispers. Sarah starts crying. “I do! I really wish I could show him!” she sobs. “Don´t you think I know that all? I ruined everything you and me had! It is all my fault! And I feel horrible because I know that I will screw that thing with Chris as well…” Ben pulls her close. “Don´t cry baby… come here…” He caresses her back, strokes over her hair… then lifts up her chin with his finger. “I wanna be there for you…” he whispers. “I couldn´t stand losing you…”

She looks at him, frightened, sad, and it hurts him to see her that way. And he just can´t help it… he wants to feel her now, be close to her, no matter if they will regret it tomorrow, and no matter what is going on between her and Chris - so he softly pushes her down onto the bed… back into the sheets… he bends over her and strokes over her hair, then gently kisses her lips… he looks into her eyes, looking for a sign, for permission to go on to kiss her. Sarah slightly opens her mouth and Ben softly forces his tounge into her mouth for a passionate kiss. Feeling her again…. 

….and this time it´s another knock on the door that interrupts them. Ben swallows. “I´ll take care of that…” he whispers and gets up to open the door.

“Hello Sir, here is the wine you ordered.” An employee of the hotel is standing in front of the room with a bottle of red wine in his hand. Ben looks over his shoulder. Damn Sarah, what´s gotten into you?

“You know what, I think we don’t need that anymore. I am sorry.” He gives the employee a smile closes the door. He looks at Sarah, who´s giving him a sad look back, and knows that spending the night with her would be a mistake. They are both just not good for each other.

“Sarah… we need to talk. You doing drugs again…ordering a bottle of wine… what the hell are you thinking?” he asks her and walks up to her. She looks at him surprised. He was supposed to comfort her, to hold her, to kiss her. Not to preach to her. She gets up and is about to reply something, but Ben interrupts her. “I want you to talk to me when you are feeling bad, you hear me? I want you to call your damn therapist if you feel you need it. You hear me?” He grabs her shoulders and forces her to look at him. “That fucking therapist has no damn clue, okay? He keeps on telling me bullshit! He has no idea what I went through!”

“But I do… and I know that you deserve better than this… you´ll not end up like a fucked up drug addict, I won´t let that happen, you hear me? Please let me help you baby…”