Not good enough

Part 8

As Chris enters the set the next day, Sarah and a few other people are already there. Chris tries to catch Sarahs eye, but she is either too focused to see it – or she is trying to ignore his looks.  No, that can´t be, Chris says to himself. But after all that has happenend … he feels anger coming up. Ben left right after Sarah. And they both didn´t show up again. He was thinking about following Sarah to the hotel, but then decided to leave her alone. He gets near them to talk to George and Ed, two members of the crew.

Sarah is standing a bit aside, talking to Ben who is sitting on a stool, holding a cup of coffee. He looks at her with a smile. He then puts his coffee aside – and suddenly wraps his hands around Sarahs waist. Chris feels a sting in his heart. What the fuck… Chris watches them with his forehead frown, his fists clenched in the pockets of his jeans.

Ben gets up, his hands slide over Sarahs back, she has hers around his neck now. Ben whispers into Sarahs ear… and then places a quick kiss on her shoulder, before he gets his hands off her and turns around to leave. Seeing this hurts Chris, he feels betrayed, what is going on here? Why isn´t she coming over to him? Why the hell is he kissing her?

As if she could read Chris’ mind, Sarah turns around and looks at him. She´s not sure herself… about Chris, about the feelings she thinks she starts to have for him. She still feels his soft lips on hers, his tender touches… she finally walks over to him. “Hey guys…” she says and steps next to Chris, but folds her hand in front of her chest.

What is going on here? Chris is thinking. Should I act like nothing happened last night? He clenches his jaw. Sarah is torn apart as well. She didn’t expect to meet a man like Chris, nor did she want to have feelings for a guy after all that drama she had while she was with Ben. Ben… that kiss last night… Ben will always be in her heart. But could Chris take a place there as well? She looks at him. What am I supposed to do?

Chris catches Sarahs look. He’ll just go for it. He puts his hand out of his pocket and puts it around Sarahs waist, without taking his eyes off George, who is talking about the next scene they are preparing. Sarah gets closer to Chris. Yes, this feels right. Somehow it does. But she kissed Ben last night, and she is still confused. After what he told her… about his feelings… she felt so much better after she did the cocaine last night… why should she give it up, when it helps her to feel better and to clear her mind?

Ed and George lave to prepare stuff for the shooting. “Well, see you guys later!” Chris tells them. He steps in front of Sarah and puts his hands back in his pocket. She looks after the guys as they are leaving. “What´s up with you Sarah?” Chris asks. She avoids looking into his eyes. “Nothing… it´s all good…” she says. “Don´t think I am an idiot!” Chris suddenly bawls at her. Sarah looks down on the floor, and her not saying a word, not even defending herself against what Chris is thinking might have happened between her and Ben last night, angers him.

“Why are you acting that way? All that happened between us, was that… just fun to you? I thought there is something going on between us, and the next moment you act like you don´t even want me around…” he states. Sarah looks at him. “I´m sorry, I … I don´t know what to tell you.” she whispers.

“But that’s not enough Sarah! If you wanna be with me, then let it show, and if not – tell me and leave me alone. But don´t play games. Because I like you.” he tells her, then bites his lip. He wants to be angry, let it all out. He doesn´t want to tell her that he has those feelings for her right now. “Chris… could you just… leave me alone today? I need to think about so many things…” she starts.

“Are you with Ben again?” Chris interrupts her. Sarah gazes at him. “What? Leave Ben out of this, okay?” she bawls at him. “You have no right to ask me about Ben… okay? He will always be part of my life, no matter what may come!”

That angers her. She doesn´t even know what she is feeling. So how is she supposed to explain that chaos in her head to someone else?

“Okay… that´s all I needed to hear.” Chris says, turns around and leaves. He won´t let her make a fool out of him.

On his way to the trailers he meets Ben halfway. The two man gaze at each other. Ben has a guilty conscience because of what happened last night. He knows that Chris would be good for Sarah. He´s a great guy and he would treat her right. And Chris can´t stand the thought of the girl he is falling for spending the last night with this guy.

“Hey Chris…” Ben starts, slightly embarrassed, not knowing what to say.

“Well, I guess the place on Sarah´s side is available for you again… great job dude…” Chris says and walks by Ben. “What? Hey man, please wait!” he yells after Chris, who turns around.

“You both still have feelings for eachother, you think I am blind? I hope you enjoyed last night.”

They are staring at each other; the tension between them is almost visible. Ben shakes his head.

“Nothing happened, man… Sarah… Chris, it´s not that easy…”

Ben walks up to him. He really still feels much for Sarah… but he is also sure that Chris really cares.

“Can we talk?” Ben looks at Chris, his eyebrows raised.

“Is there something we would have to talk about? I don´t think so.” Chris turns around to leave. Ben grabs his arm to hold him back.

“Sarah. We have to talk about Sarah. You need to hear the whole story to understand why she acts this way. Trust me.” Chris narrows his eyes. Should he talk to him? Would it make a difference?

“Come on…” Bens serious look makes Chris think.

He finally nods. “Okay, let´s meet tonight after we’re done here.”

Later that evening, in Chris' hotel room, Ben lets himself fall onto the couch. “You want a beer?” Chris asks while he is getting himself one out of the minibar. “Yeah, sure…” Ben replies and Chris hands him over a bottle. He then sits down on a chair opposite of Ben.

“So, let´s talk straight right now – what is going in between you and Sarah – and what happened last night?” Chris stares into Bens eyes. Ben sighs. “Man… it´s not that easy…”

“Well, try it, I am not stupid, I am sure I´ll get it.”

Ben gazes at Chris. His behaviour angers him. How dare he think he has any idea about who Sarah really is, after knowing her for about a month? “I know that – but you don´t know anything about Sarah. You know nothing about what she had to go through, about what we had to go through together. So I guess I better start from the beginning.”

“Okay. I am curious to hear it.” Chris replies and leans back. Ben runs his fingers through his hair. “Okay. I am gonna tell you this all now because I think that you really like her. And that you care. And I know that she likes you. You could just be what she needs to get her life in order… I saw you together. I want the best for her, and should I find out that you´re not honest with her, I swear I´ll freak out and I´ll make you pay for it.”

Chris tries to stay calm. He inhales. He wants to hear that now, so he´s not gonna start a fight. “You can be sure of that. I am not playing games with her.”