Unexpected

Unspoken Regrets

**************Y/N POV********************

I hadn't heard from Mark since the night of our date. He was flying back to the states that day and I didn't know how to feel about it. I had written out texts to him a few times and never sent them. Instead, I had focussed on my relationship and rang my boyfriend for the last 2 nights, riddled with guilt. But at the same time, even though I would never admit it, part of me regretted not kissing him when he asked. My whole body wanted to, I ached for him as the words left his lips, but I was terrified. If I kissed him, the way I felt would only intensify, everything would suddenly be more real and I couldn't deal with feeling all of that and then watching him fly away. It was selfish and cruel to let him think I didn't want to. But it was called self-preservation, even though I hated myself for the way I handled it, I couldn't get the look in his eyes out of my head when I left him there.

I checked Mark's Instagram for the 100th time that day, waiting for an airport or plane selfie, just so I had an excuse to message him 'safe flight' or something, anything, but I knew I would probably never send it. I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to talk to me ever again. 

My phone buzzed and my heart skipped a beat, then it sunk when I realised it was my boyfriend, which was wrong, I shouldn't feel like that, I was such an awful person.

<Hey babe, 2 more weeks and I'm coming home to my girl....miss you so much xxx>

<I miss you too xxx> 

I replied, I did miss him, but I was also starting to question everything. I needed someone to talk some sense into me, so I called Heather. 

She arrived half an hour later, luckily we both had a day off. 

"What do you mean you went on a date with him!" she squealed "Why am I only hearing about this now! He turned up in this town and you didn't tell me"

"It all happened so fast" I groaned "I could barely process it myself never mind explain it to someone else"

"Babe you can't go through this shit on your own" she sighed placing a hand on my shoulder "You know you can talk to me about anything"

"I know H but we had agreed I would forget about him" I groaned

"Hard to forget about someone when they turn up in your local coffee shop" she laughed

"What am I doing Heather" I sighed holding my head in my hands. 

"You're trying to do what you think is the right thing" she explained stroking my hair,

"It is the right thing" I sighed "We are both in a relationship and nothing has really happened yet to give us any reason to jeopardise those"

"Right for who?" she asked 

"I don't know" I replied confused "Everyone? are you saying you're team Mark?"

"No babe" she laughed "I'm team Y/N and I'm just asking the questions you clearly haven't asked yourself"

My phone pinged with a notification. Mark had posted on Instagram, I quickly opened it. He had checked into the airport. That meant there were probably 3 hours until he was taking off, probably less. Heather glanced over my shoulder.

"So are you gonna send him that message now?" she asked, I took a deep breath and hit the send button.

<Safe flight :)> 

He read it almost immediately but didn't reply, I sunk back into the sofa disappointed. I don't know what I expected. Me and Heather ate ice cream and watched day time TV to try and distract me. He finally replied an hour later.

<Thank you>

That was it. What was I supposed to reply to that! It was a conversation ender, if I tried to carry on the conversation now I would just look desperate. 

"Why don't you just apologise" Heather suggested "For how you left things"

"For not kissing him" I exclaimed "But then he will think I want to kiss him"

"Don't you?" She asked

"Well yeah" I confessed

"So apologise" she laughed hitting me with a cushion "Stop playing games and lay your cards out" 

I knew Heather was right but I was scared.

<I'm sorry for how I left things the other night>

I sent, again he read it but didn't reply straight away.

<Are you?>

<Yes?>

<And it's taken you almost 3 days to say/realise that>

He was pissed, I could tell, I'd hurt him. I didn't know what to say, I wasn't going to grovel.

<I panicked>

He just replied with a thumbs up emoji and my heart sunk. 

"Well I guess that's it then" I sighed, dropping my phone into my lap.

"You're just going to leave it like that?" asked Heather

"I don't really have a choice Heather" I groaned "He obviously doesn't want to talk"

"So you're just going to give up and let him get on that flight without knowing how you feel?" she asked.

"It's not that simple H we are both in relationships" I sighed,

"Yet you've still got this far" she chuckled "Clearly that isn't as much of an obstacle as you think it is"

She was right, but what did that mean, what was I supposed to do. 

"Go and get in your bloody car right now!" she laughed

"But he will be boarding soon" I stuttered

"Stop wasting time by making excuses and move!" She commanded "In fact give me the keys I'm driving" and we both ran out to my car.

We had devised a plan on the journey to the airport, Heather had barely stopped the car before I dived out and ran through to departures, of course, I knew he would be in some VIP lounge. I snuck into the staff area a quickly pulled on a spare uniform. It was a bright red suit which normally I would never been seen in but I didn't have time to be picky. 

*************Mark's POV******************

I was staring into my scotch in a world of my own, unaware that an attendant had approached me. 

"Can I get you anything else before you board Mr Sheppard" she asked, I wasn't really listening and just waved my hand to dismiss her. 

"Are you sure Sir it's a long flight" she continued, I couldn't understand why she was being so persistent until I looked up. I did a double take. Her big eyes were staring down at me, a nervous smile twitched on her lips. 

"What are you doing here?" I whispered, shocked.

"I wanted to talk to you" she replied, 

"You've had 3 days to talk to me" I said cooly and returned my attention back to my scotch.

"You're drunk" she sighed

"That's none of your concern" I stated.

"Can we just talk in private" she pleaded. I looked up at her, the way she gazed at me made me catch my breath, then I remembered how I had felt the last time I saw her and chose to use her own words against her.

"I think things are complicated enough already" I hissed and stood to walk away. It was cruel but I was hurting.

"Mark" she pleaded and I could hear a tremble in her voice which nearly made me change my mind. She placed a hand on my arm to turn me to face her,

"No" I sighed and shrugged her off, heading towards my party. I couldn't look back, I knew if I saw her face I would change my mind.

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