Explanations

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...................Mark POV.........................

I was awake before light anticipating Y/N's call.

After tossing and turning for another couple of hours, I got up and made myself a cup of tea.

I sat on the sofa, gazing out the window, running the events of the last month through my head. It had been a whirlwind. 

Finally, mid-morning, she rang.

"Y/N" I answered

"Mark" she replied, followed by silence, I could tell she didn't really know what to say.

"Can we meet?" I asked

"I don't know" she sighed, I knew she was biting her lip and it made me long for her even more. 

"We need to talk" I sighed "not just over the phone"

"I know" she replied, "I just....." she didn't want to be alone with me. I didn't trust myself either but there weren't many other options. I was a celebrity so meeting in a public place was out of the question. 

"Can I come round?" I asked, at least on her turf she may feel more comfortable.

"I guess" she replied, sounding nervous.

"Are you free now?" I asked 

"I'm supposed to be working" she explained "but yes now is fine"

"I'll be there in 20 minutes" I told her and we hung up. 

I frantically checked my appearance and grabbed my keys. I was wearing my jeans and a tshirt.

..............Y/N POV................................

I couldn't sit still waiting for him  to turn up. I ran upstairs as soon as the call ended to make myself presentable. I was only wearing joggers and a vest top. I didn't want it to seem like I'd made much of an effort. 

I had just boiled the kettle when the door bell rang. 

"It's open" I called, and heard the door open and shut behind him. "I'm in the kitchen"

"Hello love" he said, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, I turned to face him.

"Hi" I smiled, feeling my cheeks redden "tea?"

"Yes please" he smiled, he took a step towards me, I took a step back and quickly spun round embarrassed by how nervous I was.

"Go get comfy in the living room I'll bring them in" I told him, waiting for his footsteps to fade away before I let out the breath I'd been holding.

I sat on the opposite sofa, staring into my brew. 

"Y/N I am so sorry for how I've treated you" he finally said "but..." I interrupted before he could finish.

"You can't say sorry and follow it up with a 'But'" I shot "That's not an apology"

"You have to understand" he started again, but he'd already wound me up so I interrupted again,

"I don't have to do anything!" I snapped "You don't get to come back here and swan back into my life, showering me with gifts, crashing my dates, telling me what I have to do!" 

"Okay" he sighed "so why am I here"

I was silent for a while.

"3 weeks Mark" I sighed, a lump forming in my throat. "3 weeks without even a text"

"I thought you were done with me" he explained "After what your friend said..."

"Don't blame Heather" I interrupted again, I already felt bad for how I spoke to her the night before, this wasn't her fault. "You sent me away that night" I shot at him "You chose not to contact me" I added "You did this Mark, no-one else"

"I know" he sighed "I'm sorry"

"I told you I was going to break up with my boyfriend and you didn't even check in to make sure I was ok" I ranted "sorry doesn't really cut it!"

"Let me explain" he pleaded, I gestured for him to talk, "I blocked it out" he sighed "all of it. As soon as I landed in the US I put up a wall shutting out all memories and emotions related to you and tried to carry on with my life. I convinced myself I was happy. But I was lying to myself"

"What made you realise?" I quizzed

"My wife called me out about not getting on that plane" he confessed "so I told her there was someone else. She asked if you were really that special and that's when I remembered just how special you are, just how much you mean to me. So I got on a plane." 

I shook my head and sighed.

"Say something" he whispered

"I never forgot" I managed to say, a single tear falling down my cheek "Every single day for the last 3 weeks I missed what we had" I told him, lip trembling as I began to cry "I never tried to shut any of it out or forget because the way you made me feel was like nothing I've ever felt" I sobbed "and it may not have been perfect Mark but it was the best week of my life.......I don't understand how you could just forget that"

He stood and stepped towards me but I put up my hand up to stop him.

"Don't" I pleaded,

"Let me Y/N please" he replied, stepping closer. I didn't stop him. He sat on the sofa beside me and held me while I sobbed. 

"I'm so sorry love" he whispered as he stroked my hair "please let me fix this"

"I don't know if you can" I replied once I'd managed to calm my breathing. His eyes filled with tears.

"But I love you" he confessed, stroking my face and tucking my hair behind my ear. I couldn't believe my ears.

"I love you" I replied, wiping a stray tear, before kissing him deeply. Just one kiss. "But that doesn't fix everything.

"I know" he replied, "But it's a start" and he smiled, pulling me in to a hug.

...............................................................................................

Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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Lots of love xxxxx

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