Amnesia // Dimitri Belikov

I

"I wish that I could wake up with Amensia
and forget about the stupid little things."

***

Ice cold water trickled down Rose's body, her breathing irregular. Flashes from her terrible nightmare returning to her, a shriek escaped her lips as she slammed her hands against the wall. Her right hand gripping the water tap and turning it as cold as possible, her body tensing as the water hit it.

Blood stained the walls, corpses submerged by a sea of roaring fire. Two faces, one of a man and one of a woman, blood smeared across their faces. 'Run.'

A surge of pain shot through her hand, she'd punched the wall again and blood seeped from her knuckles. Shaking and shivering from the cold, she stepped out of the shower, quickly folding a towel around her. The water in her hair dripping and trailing down her spine, frantically searching around her room for a first aid kit.

After opening every cabinet in sight, she sighed, no first aid kit. She grabbed a new roll of toilet paper and ripped a bit off to wrap around her hand. Her guardian uniform laid tossed carelessly across a chair and she put it on.

Perfecting her bun in the mirror she stared at her reflection, not with confidence like she used to. Not in a way that she could be accused of being vain. Instead, she stared in disgust at the dark circles underneath her eyes. Her skin had never been so pale or grey before and the look within her eyes was empty, dark.

She slapped herself across the cheek. She wasn't like this, she wasn't supposed to let a man get her down. She wasn't supposed to feel like this when his name burned in her mind. And the only thing that currently gave her comfort was the fact that it wasn't him who made her look and feel so sleep deprived, but the unexplainable nightmares that haunted her whenever she closed her eyes.

She tore her gaze away from the mirror and left her room, locking the door behind her. Walking down toward Hans's office, barging in without knocking, as usual.

'Guardian Hathaway, when will you learn to knock?'

Rose swallowed thickly as she saw Dimitri sitting opposite of Hans, 'My apologies, Guardian Croft, I'll wait.'

'No, it's okay, just tell me what you're here for. I don't want to make you late for your shift.'

Rose paused, her eyes lingering on Dimitri for a second, 'I was just looking for a first aid kit.'

Hans's eyes went towards her hand and he nodded, grabbing a kit from behind him, 'What did you do?'

'Punched the wall in my shower, don't worry, I did more damage to myself than the wall.'

'Why did you punch the wall, Guardian Hathaway?'

Rose grabbed the things she needed from the kit and shot him a smile, 'I didn't like it.'

An exasperated sigh left his mouth, but with a mere gesture he dismissed her and Rose left the room. A breath she hadn't realised she was holding left her lips as she walked towards the Dragomir wing on a steady pace. She knocked on the door, before stepping inside.

Her gaze fixed on the raven black haired woman, with her pale blue eyes and the scar across her cheek. Great, she thought, like her day wasn't going bad enough already. She greeted the woman with a nod, 'Lady Ozera.'

'Rose! It's been such a long time.'

'It has been,' she replied politely, closing her eyes as she thought: and still it wasn't long enough.

'Have you heard? The queen decided that Dimitri isn't a danger to the Court and he's finally allowed to go free, without guardians accompanying him,' Lissa beamed, 'She's still a bit hesitant about letting him be my guardian, so he's discussing with Guardian Croft, what he could do around Court. Or maybe they'll give him an allocation.'

Rose's eyes flickered towards Tasha, the overjoyed expression on the woman's face suddenly explained, 'Well, he'd be lucky if they gave him an allocation, but they'd be stupid if they didn't give him one. I'm sure they'll do the right thing.'

'That's the spirit!' Tasha cheered as she raised her glass and offered one to Rose as well.

'I can't, I'm on duty, but thank you nonetheless.'

Tasha shrugged and handed the alcohol to Christian, whom happily accepted it. She turned back to Rose with a smile, 'You know, I once offered Dimitri to guard me, but I don't think the timing was quite right. I mean, after everything that happened with the attack and then the whole abduction disaster.'

Rose flinched as Mason's death was casually mentioned, in the way you might mention how you spilled coffee over your favourite T-shirt.

'But you know, maybe this would be better for him as well. We can spend time like friends, he doesn't have to feel so guilty about the entire Strigoi thing. He could confide in me, we've known each other for so long. Maybe we could visit his family in Russia a couple of times. What do you think Rose?'

She felt her nails dig into her skin as she clenched her hands behind her back, 'I suppose that could be a good way to... heal. And I suppose that a guardian's work is hard and that it'd be easier to guard someone you feel comfortable around.'

There was a knock on the door and in walked Dimitri, a big grin on Tasha's face. 'Hello, Dimka, we were just talking about you!'

Not even a flicker of emotion was seen through his guardian mask as he replied, 'You were?'

'Yes, allocations and stuff. Just so you know, the offer still stands.'

An awkward silence followed Tasha's words and Dimitri simply nodded, 'Thank you, I appreciate it, but for now I'd like to wait and see how things settle down first.'

The disappointment in Tasha's voice was clear, even though she tried to hide it, 'I understand, Dimka, take your time.'