To All The Things Never Said

20

"Is it ready?" The Postboy looked at me with wondering eyes. I withdrew the letter from behind my back. We both looked at it. "I think so..." He had reached out to take it but quickly retreated his hand. "You THINK so?" We made eye contact. "It's ready." I held it out to him. "Good." He said firmly as he took it from me. He saluted me. "Until whenever miss." I crack a smile. "At ease solider."

Mi Amor,

You know for the longest time I didn't know what to tell you to change your mind and take me back. I came up with every reason on why you should. Then I came up with every reason on why you shouldn't. Then I threw away both lists and asked myself why I was making pros and cons for you. Then I asked, why should you make pros and cons for me? You see the only thing you should ever be weighing is do I love her or not? Not I love her and here's why... BUT. You make just as many excuses for yourself not to be back with me as I do for you to be with me, and that is the problem. I could tell you that it never would have mattered if you had got me a puppy the only thing I wanted for Christmas was to catch you under the mistletoe and kiss you. I could tell you the reason I kissed another boy on New Years was entirely for the reason I wanted you to finally realize you did love me and that you wanted to be there the next year and every new years so the same mistake didn't happen. I could finally tell you the 11:11 wish I had made the night before you came home was me wishing that you would be the one, the wish "I forgot" I could explain to you a million things you could not figure out on why I did but in the end the only thing that will ever change your mind is when you really think on if you have moved on or not. I could ask you over and over again if you have, but, for someone who loved me endlessly you sure you didn't put up too much of a fight. I know without a doubt, without a question that I am truly in love with you no but's no if's none of that. I am.

The thing about being in love is that you can keeping falling in love but you can never fall out of love and see that right there is the difference from just "loving someone" that's the difference from the words "I love you" because you can stop loving someone and still care. You can also lose feelings and still love someone. Love is complicated. Being in love isn't.

Finding your path to be in love is messy and dark and twisted and isn't the easiest thing. Just like learning and trying to love someone isn't exactly all puppies and rainbows. Figuring this out took time. It was as hard as putting together pieces of a puzzle together in the dark. I did figure out though because you were right from the beginning we're each others counter parts. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else, and one day in the future if you still never feel that way then I will find someone who makes me as equally happy but you'll still be there in my heart.

I just hope you find yourself like I did.

Forever and always Mi Amor. *holds up 🤟*

~Your Fire