Settle Down (Matt Espinosa)

Ch. 53

"explosions on the day you wake up needing somebody and youve learned, its okay to be afraid, but it will never be the same"

MADISON'S POV

I laid back on my bed in the smoky room, scrolling through Twitter. I heard the front door open and close but I didn't really think much of it until Matt and Mom appeared in my doorway, releasing most of the smoke circulating around.

My mom let out a fit of coughs as Matt narrowed his eyes at me but shook his head, trying to keep from laughing.

"Madison Bell! Is that Marijuana?" Mom yelled at me once she recovered.

I laughed and put my phone down. "I don't know, is it?"

Matt walked closer over to me before whispering. "I hope you know how much that fucking costed me."

"Matthew! I heard that!"

I burst out laughing again. 

"It's just a little weed, mom! It's not even a big deal!"

"It could be cocaine. Do you realize how lucky you are?" Matt asked my mother as she remained in the doorway, furious.

"Oh, I suppose you have a stash of that too?" She shot back at him, causing me to collapse into yet another fit of laughter.

Matt shook his head. "Nope, a bit too expensive for my taste."

.

After the high wore off and punishments were dealt out, the pain set back in. 

Hanging over the bathroom sink I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked hollow, worn out, empty.

Everything good in my life has been taken from me.

You still have Matt.

Everyone leaves and I can't deal with the pain anymore.

You still have Matt. 

I sighed and looked down as a few tears slipped out from the corner of my eyes again.

"I promised you I wouldn't Will, but we all break promises sometimes." I whispered as I grabbed a large bottle of Tylenol.

A knock on the door caused me to jump and almost drop the bottle. "Madison hurry the fuck up! I need to use the bathroom!"

"Give me a minute, will you?" I shot back at him with a shaky voice.

Just open it, swallow a handful, and then swallow another. It's not hard, Madison. Just do it.

It took a few tries but I finally got the cap off. I began to pour the pills into my unsteady hand as Matt banged on the door again, causing both the bottle and the contents in my hand to fall to the ground, spilling everywhere. Including under the door.

"Fuck you!" I yelled to him as I dropped to my knees to pick up my escape out of this death-filled world.

"What are you doing with those? Madison open the fucking door!"

"I'd rather not, thanks." I called back at Matt, shoving a pile of pills back into the bottle.

I heard him scoff. "I'm going to break this goddamn door down if you don't open it now."

It was my turn to let out a laugh. I'd be doing him a favor if he just let me be. Why can't they understand that I'll never be the same? I was just starting to get used to life without Will. I can't deal with both of them being gone. The emptiness is too much to handle.

I was scrambling to gather more of the pills off the ground when the doorknob broke and Matt pushed the door open.

Before I could even react, the bottle was ripped from my hands and Matt poured the pills into the toilet and flushed them down. 

"Please tell me you didn't take any," He pleaded as he put the toilet seat cover down and sat on it.

"I didn't get a chance to, you barged in and ruined it." I muttered, getting off my knees to sit on the floor altogether.

Matt got up and sat down next to me, putting his hand on my thigh. 

"Why would you want to leave? There are people here who care about you a lot, and you have so much to live for." He asked softly.

I laughed. "What's the point of staying if all people ever do is leave me? Why can't I be the next one to leave and spare myself the pain?" 

"Because the pain wouldn't be leaving, you'd just be passing it on to other people. And you know how it feels, do you really want people to feel that way because you left?" Matt pressed on.

They wouldn't. I'm just me. The important people already left them. They've already been through the worst.

I didn't have the motivation to fight with Matt right now, so I just sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. "No."

"Good, because I don't think I'd be able to live through it." He breathed out, trying to lighten the air and laugh, but it didn't work out.

I put my hand on top of his and he leaned his head on top of mine. "Please don't leave me, Mads."

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A.N; okay wow this is really short and im sorry but i wanted to end the chapter here and not start another scene at the end of it.

im also really sad to announce this but i think there's either gonna be 1 or 2 more chapters before the end of this book... maybe an epilogue at the end of it too, not sure though. 

theyre so cute and madis so sad it hurts me

comment and let me know what you think!!!! dont forget to like while youre at it too lol <3 cant believe how far this book has come and how quickly the ending is approaching. woow.