W O N D E R I N G

4:13 am

I've been thinking a lot.
About a guy I used to know.
About how he would try to pressure me into his bed.
And how when I was there all he wanted was to be between my legs.
How he'd drive me home whilst making me feel guilty for leaving him alone.
He never stopped to think that maybe I didn't feel safe
Or how I didn't want any more of youth to be a waste.

I've been thinking a lot
Mainly about my self
About how I feel cheap and tacky
And how nobody would want damaged goods.
I've been thinking a lot
About how I just want to erase my past,
How I just want to go back to being pure and how I wish I'd never asked him to walk me to the door.

I've been thinking a lot
About those who I thought were my saviours
How they just used me for my body
And how everything else was just a part of me they didn't want to see.

I've been thinking a lot
About how I hate myself for getting into these situations
And for never knowing how or when to leave.

I've been thinking a lot
About how it's all my fault
And I wish I could erase my mistakes
But what's done is done.

I've been thinking a lot
I want to stop feeling this way
So please stop treating me the same.
Please stop looking at me like an object.
Please stop making harassing comments.
Please stop making me feel easy.
Please stop making me feel cheap.
Please don't guilt trip me for not wanting to sleep with you.
Please stop making me feel like I owe you.

I guess you could say
I've been thinking a lot
And I want this to stop.