NOAH

Ch. 33

Chapter 33

I bundle my blankets under my chin, sighing into the warmth of the sheets. Doubt was now roaming free, my mind a vast enough space to plant her seeds. And right now her favorites were blossoming into trees, sprinkling leaves of what ifs and whys into my mind. What if my mom was just surprised and really did want to see me? Maybe, she just needs time. Maybe, mailing her my frosty thoughts wasn't the best idea.

But, without Noah's blanket of hope, doubt's positive outlook doesn't have much structure to stand on. I screwed up. Now I have no one, not even my mom's memory.

I groan as my phone begins to ring. My hands slides against the sheets searching for the annoying device, pressing the on/off button once they come in contact. I don't need Danielle to tell me to get out anymore. Once the entirety of my room is packed, I'm migrating to a cheap motel close to Blue Valley Beach.

I'll babysit for someone to make some extra cash, but truth be told, I don't expect to be out of job much longer seeing as I'm quitting UMC's volunteer program. My heart aches as the thought crosses my mind, my hand flying to rub away the discomfort, but I know I have to do it. With more time to spare, I can work more hours and more hours means more money. More money means I survive.

My phones blaring startles me from my thoughts, my brows furrowing. I grab device from beneath the blankets, my eyes widening as Noah's name flashes against the screen. I linger before answering, my heart thumping against my rib cage as my eyes hold onto the image of us together a little while longer.

"Noah?"

"I'm coming to pick you up."

"What?"

"My dad tossed Eli into a wall. I'm coming to get you so we can hurry up and finish this, once and for all." His voice coarse, still sounding strained as if he was struggling with the call.

I jerk up, my stomach twisting at the thought of Eli becoming his newest punching bag. "Oh my God. Is Eli OK?"

"Yeah, he's just scared."

I sigh, sliding off the bed to slip into my shoes. "That's understandable. You're dad is terrifying."

"I will never let him show his face at your house again. He'll pay for that, too."

"Thanks."

"I'm outside."

I hang up as I make my way into the arctic air, many degrees lower than it once was. Noah's car stands out amongst the others just as he stands out amongst a crowd. A smile tugs at my lips, but I grimly remind it of the rather uncomfortable circumstances and it droops with the rest of me, my spirits nearly scraping the floor.

"Hey," I say, sliding into the seats.

"Hey."

I want to tell him how sorry I am. I want to let him know everything I wrote to him in the letter I never sent. If only I could rewind time and choose not to break his heart, choose to leave stronger than we came because we're by each other's side. But, now we're so deep in the trenches, I'm not sure if I can escape from drowning this time.

But, eventually, I will tell him how sorry I am. I will let him know that it wasn't his fault, it was mine. I won't rewind time because I can't, I can't stop myself from hurting him. I can only choose to be stronger than I was before, leaving him with a sweeter taste when my name is said aloud instead of the bitterness he, no doubt, tastes right now.

I'll want him to look at me when I apologize, see that I'm being honest. But, his eyes never even twitch in my direction during the silent ride to his house. I'm surely the last thing on his mind when his brother is now being pushed around by his dad. So I'll hold onto my apologies for a better time.