Forever and Always.

Chapter One

It began in Fourth Grade; I was the funny girl in the back who was reading her silly books. Including the Magic School Bus! So much had happened this year because my teacher was so remarkable.

 I remember clearly, it was a nice and sunny day in January. Which was odd because it was winter.

We had a huge blizzard that had just past and because Colorado is bipolar, the weather changes all the time. We Coloradan’s have a saying, if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes. It’s quite comical actually because Colorado does change a lot. What I didn’t know was that when I got home, it would change my life forever.

My name is Catalina Xiong. No middle name.

                As I was riding the bus home from Emerald Elementary, I always sat in the front and conversed with the bus driver. She was a real nice lady but the boys in the bus always drove her crazy. They drove me crazy too, I won’t deny that. They were always so disrespectful towards others and they cussed a lot.

It was a warm, sunny day in Colorado. January 23rd, 2006. Ashley was only in 2nd grade then so I had to watch over her, it was my duty as an older sister. We were still young as ever and wore our little pink hats and outfits that Mom had chosen for us to wear. She always told us what to wear when we were young; we were her very own personal dolls.

I absolutely love my mom. You see, my mom was diagnosed with Epilepsy all of her life. A little background of Epilepsy is that this disease causes people to have seizures. The seizures can range from mild to severe, soon causing death if it was that terrible. Fortunately, my mom only contracted seizures when she was stressed out, so we always had to be the good kids.

Walking home from the bus stop, I remember it was just like yesterday. We passed the dead grass field and the Thomson’s. Then Ashley and I passed the Cook’s houses.  They were my older brother’s best friends. My brother was in sixth grade at the time.

We reached our bright blue house and marveled at the neat green grass that we had lain out recently. We used to have rocks but we got grass because we thought it would just look nicer with our sky blue house. I took my purple keychain from my lovely pink bag and unlocked the door. When Ashley and I walked in, our parents and siblings were in the living room talking.

Dad and Mom were speaking in hushed tones while Stacey, who was in 10th grade then, and Demi, who was in 8th grade, were both crying. Brandon was doing his usual thing, playing Runescape. Ashley and I walked in and my mom turned her head. She told us to sit down and my dad looked so disappointed.

“What’s wrong mommy?” Ashley asked as my mom looked as though she was going to burst into tears. Dad stormed out of the house and got into his Red Honda and drove off.

“Listen up, okay? I know you guys won’t get it as much but just try to stay strong okay babies. Daddy and I are getting divorced.” Mom explained. It didn’t connect…

“Mom, what does that mean? And where did Dad go?” I was so confused and all I wanted were answers. All I needed were the answers.

“It means that they are abandoning us, stupid.” Stacey yelled at me. I was so confused then, what did that mean? Why was the big sister that I always looked up too, crying? Why was she angry? She was never one to release anger upon us because our family was raised with love, independence, and hard work.

Stacey ran upstairs while Demi was just curled up on the couch crying into the white pillow.

“Stacey! Get back here and apologize to your sisters! Stacey, do you hear me?!”

“Whatever Mom, just leave me alone!” Stacey slammed her door and yet here I was, still the innocent 4th grader, having no idea what was going on. It wasn’t until later on that I learned that my parents weren’t going to be together anymore.

Mom explained that sometimes people just don’t love each other anymore and that it is best to just stay apart. I was crushed from what I could understand. Dad didn’t return home that night and it scared me. Where was Dad? Was he safe? Did he stay with cousins? Had he eaten yet?

I bawled my eyes out. All I could do was cry. I was so confused and all I wanted was my family to be together again. We were so happy weeks earlier, we had our cute puppy Myers that Brandon got for his birthday and we were just all laughing and smiling. How could this change so suddenly?

I guess I had been crying loudly as my mom entered my room.

“Baby, don’t cry. Everything is going to be okay. I promise, I won’t let you down.” My mom looked so tired and exhausted. She was stressed and I could tell. I immediately sucked up the tears and hugged my mom.

All I wanted was my family.

My happy and loving family is what I wanted most. Stacey was blasting music in the room next to mine and Mom sighed. I held on tight, never wanting to let go. She was my only security then and everyone else was being distant.

Was this what divorce was? Was this divorce supposed ruin my whole family? I didn’t like the word at all. Not one bit. Because of this divorce, it caused my family to split. This divorce caused my relatives to choose sides and forced us to take more responsibility for standing up for our parents. You see, it was difficult for everyone.

My big sisters and my brother took the hardest hit. They surpassed all the pain but first they had to deal with it. We were bullied. We had to stand up for each other and stick together.

But then suddenly, my big sisters got detached. Stacey started dating boys left from right and Demi was almost never home.

I never knew what they were exactly doing but I do know that is was not good at all. They would stay out until late and sometimes leave in the early morning. My family was never like this. We always stayed on a certain curfew and ate breakfast together.

There was this one time when we were all at the breakfast table and my mom made green eggs. They looked hideous. Dad laughed at Mom’s choice of color while Brandon was just scarfing down the eggs. Ashley and I looked at the eggs in disgust; it looked like Green Eggs and Ham! Stacey laughed with Mom with Dad while Demi poked at her eggs, as if checking if they were going to move any second. I miss their laughter.

Mom was trying to support our family all by herself. She worked so much and was exhausted by the time she got home, which left me to cook dinner. Can you imagine that? An eleven year old girl making dinner. Brandon didn’t eat as much anymore as he just stayed in his room or played on the computer. Ashley was off in La La Land and just enjoying life as much as she could.

She was oblivious to what was going on around her.

                I missed my Dad; we hadn’t talked to him in a month. Hadn’t even seen him once but we knew that he came back once because his clothes were gone. He had come when we were at school and when Mom was at work. I could just almost remember his face when he left the house. He looked so angry and frustrated.

I wanted to help in all that I could and my mom was struggling. Stacey and Demi weren’t around, Brandon was always locked up in his room, and Ashley didn’t recognize what was going on.

I was alone and I felt alone. My walls began building up then.

 I then made a vow that I, Catalina Xiong, would now be independent and to always put my family first.

Every night my mom was in depression. I would go to her room in the middle of the night with my little stuffed bear and blanket and crawl in next to her. She would wrap her arms and legs around me and just hold me. I sometimes felt a tear drop onto my cheek but ignored it and just hugged her tighter. I missed my family. Would this divorce get any better or would it continue to ruin our lives forever?

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Hello there lovelies, thank you for taking the time to read this chapter!

I will try getting around to the next chapter and for those of you who are going through a divorce or your parents are going through a divorce, just know that people will always be there when you need it. Meaning family and friends, love surpasses all!

Sorry if I had mistakes, open for criticism :)

love, catalinasmiles